Tag Archives: Weight

Failure isn’t Fatal. Failure isn’t Final.

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We all know what happens when a healthy-living or weight loss bloggers blog falls silent right?   The unfortunate has happened.  They have given up, fallen off the wagon and turned tail back to the dark side of the tracks.  Many who know me offline have watched me struggle with life in the face of my new job.

So here I am coming clean to you all… once again.  My slip ups, turned into a giant landslide back to where I was coming from.  I look in the mirror every morning at 3AM when I wake up and I am disgusted by what I see.  I don’t see the healthy girl who was there just  months ago, I see someone who has given up.  I see someone who needs help.  I see failure, but I still see that glimmer of hope knowing I can come back from this, because I haven’t given up hope.

So my failure… it isn’t truly failure, it would be failure if I didn’t step up and ask fo help.  This week I did something I thought I would never do again.  I rejoined Weight watchers. It has been over 16 years since I set foot in a weight watchers center.  I vowed after the horrible (read weight gaining) experience I had being forced to go as a  teenager I would never use their program again.  I realise now as an adult that things change.  My calorie counting attempts have become failures the last 6 times I have restarted trying i just stop. i track a few days and give up.  I am hopeful that the points tracking is easier.  Smaller numbers, accounting for things like fat grams, and for the love of god im not weighing my sandwich thins.  That crazy bitch needs to go away.

So yes the scale is going he wrong way, my heart is breaking when I look in the mirror at myself, and I am desperate for a change.  So begins another chapter.  Failure is not final, nor is success, and it certainly isn’t fatal.  Don’t give up on me.

Choices

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Do you ever feel trapped?  Like you will forever be fat? Destined to live the eternal life as the fat friend in the photos, the big one in your family, the one that never truly keeps the weight off? 

Do you ever feel like it doesn’t matter what you do it always remains the same?  Yep, that s where I have been lately.  Playing mini pity-party.  Looking at the picture, and thinking I have no choices it is be fat or be fat.  Truly we always have a choice.  Be fat and happy or be fat and miserable. Be fat and work to change things you don’t like, or be fat and work to make things worse. 

As I sat last night on the recumbent bike riding, being miserable, I thought about change.  I thought about the passion I used to have for working out.  I thought about my love for water aerobics, and my desire to outlast everyone in the gym on the elliptical.  Where had it gone.  My new job had killed the old me, or rather, the new me that came with this job had become complacent when I changed gyms. 

See the SNAP fitness I joined turned out to not be right for me.  It was more of a weight lifting gym, and I STILL don’t know how to use machines, not to mention it was more free weights than machines.  The arc trainer, which I tried so hard to enjoy, turned out to be more of an enduring thing.  The pain it caused in my hip was just not worth the price of admission.  I never built a community there, and I found myself doing things like taking walks around the lake for exercise to avoid going to the gym. Not that that’s a bad alternative but it isn’t truly exercise in the same way.

So as I said a few days ago on twitter, don’t mess with what works.  I have gone back to the YWCA in Minneapolis.  Just off Lake Street.  I have been everyday since I joined.  My schedule, with as many hours as I work, doesn’t allow me to workout like I once did, so burnout shouldn’t creep in as fast, but I know it will… because I have been complacent in my workout. 

Those choices I talked about not having, I had, and I made them… I made the choice to go home right after work, get in my jammies, cook dinner and be a lazy ass.  I admit I made bad choices and they have led me to gain some weight back.  I am not happy about it but I am the first to admit it.  My pants are tight, and it is uncomfortable.  I don’t like it.  Everyday after work I am heading to the gym.  45 mins is my compromise, I don’t have to like it I just have to do it.  I can spend those 45 mins however I like, on a bike, on an elliptical on the treadmill… sitting in the sauna if I really want to waste my own time. but I have to go. 

I thought about making Saturday morning optional, and it might be, after a while, bodies need a rest day, but breaking routine isn’t a good thing, but I get to go in the morning.  I think I might try Zumba Saturdays there is a class that looks like it might work with my schedule, and it might be fun, but I am totally uncoordinated, and if not I still should get in and do something.  This past weekend I got in.  Then Sundays are my Water Aerobics class!!! YAY!!! Back in the water again… where I belong, with my cohorts.  I went this Sunday and it was like being home.  The water caressed my skin and eased my pain. 

I was sorrowful for the time I had been away from it, but not for long, I jumped right back to my old self in class, enjoying banter with the other ladies, and catching up with the teacher.  It was a nice time, it was good to be back, and that Sunday Morning ritual should be an easy one to keep.

So I made the choice, to go back to something that worked, even if it isn’t quite in the same manner that it was.  I had to remind myself that there is always a choice, even if you don’t like the choices that are there.  Once you make that choice, you get new choices, and deciding not to decide is indeed a decision on its own, and not really a good decision. 

So back at it I go… again.

I thought this was a weight loss blog.

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So if you look back through my blog lately there is just a bunch of bullshit. Really honest to god bullshit. Have you noticed? I certainly have and I don’t like it!

I know that this blog is a place for ME to write about all the struggles and changes that have occurred during the changes of my weight loss but oh my goodness, there has been no weight loss, there has been no weight loss in about a year… I am coming clean. I feel like a fraud. I am living healthy, and the only measure I ever had was the progress of the scale. I never had inches measured, I never had anything other than the scale, and the scale is no longer my friend.

Yes I can use other measures of success like how clothes fit, but those changes have slowed to a stop as well. My fear is that my body has reached that dreaded “stasis point” I have done all kinds of things at this weight to try and get it to shed some more pounds. I have tried eating more, eating less, working out more, working out less, and there I sit fluxing in the same window of weight.
I am endlessly frustrated, to the point of tears. I want to give up so much of the time. I just want to curl up and eat until I can’t move. I want to eat until I am uncomfortable. I want to be reminded of how horrible that time in my life was. That is not the answer. I am not going to do that. However I don’t know what the answer is.
I am not loving my new gym, while the owner is OMG smokin hot, it just isn’t working for me going after work. After I put in 10+ hours in the stress filled, emotional environment that I am in, I find that I just need to decompress, and when I go to the gym I am not getting a release, I am getting more stress. Stress that my hard work is all for nothing. I know losing weight is easy, okay well not easy, but calories in vs calories out, so perhaps scientific is a better way to phrase it. Why can’t I seem to re-crack my own code?
Making the choice to eat healthy is easy for me, I went to the Seward Co-Op lat night and made a HUGE salad, and didn’t bat an eye picking red peppers and cucumbers and onions and skipping all the old pitfalls like croutons and ranch dressing. I don’t miss those things. When I got home I measured out my 2 Tablespoons of dressing for 80 calories, shook my salad and ate it with a piece of chicken. It was great! However temptation lurks around every corner.
My freezer is currently loaded with things like Haagen Dazs Caramel Biscuit Ice Cream and southern style biscuits, and frozen cheese tortellini. The Baking rack in my place, along with pots and pans is home to Oreo cookies (Happy 100th birthday Oreo, thanks for making me hear about you nonstop for an entire day!), and pretzels, and Cheetos, and all kinds of other things. It is like temptation island. One cookie wont kill me, but one before work, then one after work adds up.
I am meeting with a friend today in hopes of getting inspired again, I know I am not going to throw in the towel, but it just seems like such a good idea some days. In light of how sick I have been in the last week or so it just seems like an easy answer. No worrying about how many calories are in the cough drops I am downing to try and get my voice to last through jut one more phone call at work. I know that this is going to be a lifelong struggle, but I guess I had hopes that I wouldn’t have this much of a problem until I was a little closer to my goal.
I need to succeed, this journey wasn’t about weight loss in the beginning it was about living a healthier life, well, I think it is time to change my mindset and really focus on that.
Lean cuisines, salads, and fruit-cups may just have to be a way of life for me again for a while. Also eating the same food everyday for each meal as much as I detest that may also become a staple. It will not be fun but it may have to happen.
I am unsure what it is going to take to get me back out of the slow lane and on the fast track, but I sure as shit cant sit here letting my friends pass me by and life start to do the same. So please, reach out to me, sent me a tweet a text a Facebook message, leave me a comment, bug the crap out of me. As I adjust to the time-change I will also be adjusting to trying to workout before work. May as well make that adjustment at the same time right?
Nothing changes if nothing changes… and something has to change.
This is a weight loss blog… not a weight watcher blog. I am tired of watching my weight do what it wants to, time to grab the power seat again!

If Nothing Changes

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Last weekend I had a long chat with a dear friend, after many hours of laughter and conversation we both came back around to the point that we have all heard time and again.

If nothing changes, then nothing changes.

Now let it sink in for a moment. Still thinking? What are you thinking about?

 When I think about the statement I think about how complacent I became being comfortable at 250 pounds.  I let myself be comfortable there because, well, I had lost a ton.  Lots of things had changed.  Let’s face it, I was no longer feeling like I was at death’s door.  I was still working out, still eating right, mostly.  Mostly.

There is that word… mostly.  See back when I was 400+ pounds I ate mostly right… just in the wrong amounts.  There was someone on weight watchers that told me the point of their points plan was to get people to eat more fruits and veggies.  There was discussion that no one would ever sit down and eat 3 or 4 apples but you would sit down and eat a bag of chips.  Well I was the person that would eat 3 apples.  They are divine to me, I crave fruits and veggies, and while it isn’t easy to gain weight eating just fruits and veggies it is possible if you eat enough of them.  The sugars add up.

My new job has me all sots of out of whack with my eating.  There are days where I don’t get to eat because we are so busy and I can’t climb out from under the mound of work on my desk, where I am thankful for the ungodly slowness of the 4am hour when it is slow-ish and I can drink my cup of coffee that I brought with me.  There is also the other side of this where it is so slow that I am snacking on all the items in my lunch bag, that are in there because I never know what I will want.

The gym piece of my life is falling back into place.  I left the YWCA in favor of Snap Fitness.  The atmosphere is very different.  I like being able to go at anytime of the day or night, and I am thinking I may need to switch things up a bit again.  I have been going to the gym after work, I enjoy the scenery (read: hottie owner) while I workout, however after a 10 hour day on the desk, plus a half-hour of “other” work in the office, I am just fried.  The last thing I find myself wanting to do is going to the gym.  I am still going… most days.  I need to trade most for all, I need to invoke a negative consequence for myself, but more so than that I need to find that desire again.

So I am hopeful to try cranking my clock around a little bit more again and maybe get my ass into the gym before work… yes… I will go to work a sweaty mess… the nice part is I have that alone time in the morning where I can theoretically clean up in the washroom and make myself presentable again.

Change is needed… change is necessary.  Change is also scary.  What if I really can’t go any further with my weight loss?  I mean, seriously It has been almost a year now of me being in this same place… I am getting a LOT frustrated.

I wanted something in my life to change, I needed something in my life to change,  perhaps I need to just think about taking lean cuisine to work, nothing other than a frozen box of food to the office, then there is no choice.  As the weather gets nicer (read lighter outside) I plan on riding my bike to work, which will add to my activity level, but again… nothing is gong to change unless I make the change happen.

So my plan for now is to try to get on the bike at the gym and rebuild my endurance, or rather tolerance for that god awful seat.  (who designed those things?!) So that I can ride to work everyday, and get going in the right direction.

Something’s gotta give, and if it is my freedom of choice of foods in the office so be it. If it is freedom of choice in the time I go to the gym, because there is no snooze button on the alarm, once it goes off I have to get up and I wont just be sitting around for an hour before work, then so be it.

It is time to Rise Up again.  Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Judging…

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Each of us has an opinion… an ideal weight an ideal body shape type an idea we would like to get to.  When we are struggling to tay on track, or get back on track, it is when I find I become the most judgemental of others, and myself.

Just this morning I was in the grocery store picking up some breakfast.  An apple actually.  To chomp on before I headed off to Caribou Coffee to return emails and check up on all the things I missed during the work week and I found myself being very judgemental of the woman behind the register.

I put my apple, the only thing I was buying down and waited for her to ring it up.  I made idle chatter with her.  Then she asked if that was all I was buying, I said yes and told her that was breakfast, and I was opting for an apple over McDonald’s.  A logical choice for me seeing as the only food I actually enjoy from that place is their coffee and their ice-cream cones.  The cashier proceeded to tell me that she needed to take that approach and start getting apples instead of fast food.  I am all in favor of this, I preach this all the time… top at Cub or a local supermarket or even gas station instead of that fast food place and grab a banana or apple or even hard-boiled eggs over a burger!  Whole foods are better than processed foods right?  Then my mind starts playing that game… That look at her, shes what 175 tops, why is she so concerned with her weight?  I wish I was that tiny.

I took my apple,, washed it off with the water in my car and chomped into it… and sat chewing and stewing.  I wasn’t angry that she wanted to lose weight, that passed in a matter of moments.  I was angry that I felt this sting of jealousy that she was so much further along in her journey than I was.  Moreover that she perhaps had not ever gotten as large as I did.

I was having my very own pity party right there at breakfast.  It didn’t last long but I noticed it as soon as it started.  I was unhappy with the fact that I was jealous of someone elses success because I still have so far to go and I am struggling to get myself into a routine right now where life balances again with this new job.

My job is really making things difficult, I no longer have the ability to just come and go as I like, I can’t spend 3 hours in the gym and then have a relaxing night at home before going off to work.  I am realizing now just how hard things can be in the real world… and how fortunate I was to have some time with my old job to get such a large chunk of my goal accomplished.

I don’t want to and WON’T give up trying to find a balance that works for me.  I have moved my gym to Snap Fitness as of last week and made it into the gym several days last week right after work.  I am shooting to make it to the gym for 5 45-minute workouts in a seven-day period, I know it isn’t anywhere as intense as I was working out, but I have to start somewhere.

I think I am becoming more in tune with what my emotions and feeling are at this point in my journey though.  Realizing that I was feeling jealous of the cashier, and thinking she had no right to want to lose weight was absolutely silly!  Everyone has the right to want to “do healthy” but you have to do something about it.  Being more intuitive about things with myself will make a difference long-term I think.  I just have to keep pushing forward and stay focused on what I need to do for me. One babystep at a time, I will meet my goals.

One Breath, For My Roots

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The second person to speak at #OBOS was Philly D, who I had never met before, mostly because my schedule has never allowed me Friday nights to go hang out with all the cool kids at hot yoga.  Happily that is changing and I will soon head off to my first Hot Yoga class in the near future!  Anyway, Phil had me in tears for most of his discussion.  He shared some very personal stories about his sister and some volunteer work that he does at a Children’s hospital with cancer patients.  A boy who communicates only by RAWR-ing because he thinks he is actually a dinosaur… because they are strong… I can relate. #rawr.

Do you know what the difference between being and doing is?  So many of us say I want to be BE healthy.  The dictionary defines being as something that exists.  That is something that I did for SO MANY YEARS in my life… I existed.  If you look back on this blog you see me talk about feeling like I was watching life pass me by because it was.  However doing is defined as action, performance, and execution.  I don’t know about you all but I sure want to be doing not being.

Remember the human doing project at Mall of America last year… they had him DOING… so think about that… to be healthy you have to DO.  There is a local health insurance company here that has a DO campaign and they truly have hit the nail on the head.  To be healthy you have to DO.

I am sure you are sitting there going so what Kris… we all know we have to workout, so Phil said go do Yoga right?  He owns a studio this is what he wants you to do right?  No.  It is hard to explain exactly what he was talking about in general or specific terms if you have never had that moment that wakes you up from that dark place, so forgive the bulleted nature of this.  I am going to try to not weep as I think about how much impact his words had on my heart.

Phil’s wish for each of us is that we can learn to be more awake in our lives, that we can me more aware of what is in front and around us.  In order to Rise Up and meet life, you must first wake up to your surroundings.  You must tune into yourself, make deliberate choices about your breathing, and movements, feel your body, feel your breath.

As you move through this life and become more aware of things you will know when something feels wrong, and when something feels wrong you will learn that you need to step up and stand up for others.  As you rise up you will see things that are unfair and unjust and you cannot ignore them.  They will not change unless someone speaks up.

As you rise up you must reach out and down to others, this is part of why Jen (@PriorFatGirl) shares her story, and a very big part of why I am so open and honest on my blog about my struggles.  When you reach out to others you let them know that there is hope, help and strength.

Be what you love in life, and use what you love to make a difference because it isn’t actually the length of your life that makes the biggest impact it is the width.  The more people you reach, and they in turn reach creates waves and ripples that will effect more people than you ever intended.

He also spoke about how important it is to be aware of your word choices, which was also something Mary spoke about.  The words you choose to define yourself, your life your goals and the things in your mind can really set yourself up for success or for failure.  Do you remember my Can’ts Won’ts and Don’ts post? Go back and read it… I felt like they both took a page right from my blog and were telling me to go back and read my words… Kris make sure you are picking your words correctly.

After hearing both Mary and Phil speak about how can’t and and won’t and don’t are so often confused I really felt like I had a grasp on something strong.  I know when I first had that moment of clarity about those three words back in August it really was something amazing.  It really becomes a more about DOING what you have to do and less about what you want.  I can’t cook healthy meals for my family is actually I don’t because my family won’t eat them.  Well guess what you CAN because you make those decisions.  I can’t workout because I don’t have time is really I don’t workout because I would rather watch tv, and I won’t give up that addiction to finding out what happens on that next episode of Lost (okay, I am out of touch but so what!) You get it right?

Who has control of your life?  Do you have control?  Who did you give the control to?  Are you ready to take it back?  Only you can!

One Breath, Because It’s Hard!

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Let’s be honest, my head is still swimming, or moreover my heart is still in overwhelm from Saturday.  The #OBOS events always hit me right in the chest.  I think it is because I let myself be vulnerable, because it is a necessary part of getting to the root of why I became 400+ pounds.  I think it is also crucial to helping others along the way.  So that being said, once again the topics covered hit right a bit too close to home, which of course were just what I needed.

Jen started out the morning having us close our eyes and raise our hands if we had felt recently that our journey was overwhelming or hard etc.  With my eyes closed, (but wanting to peek to know for sure) she assure us that we all had our hands raised.  I always secretly don’t want to raise my hand just to be “That Asshole”.  The point of the exercise isn’t about raising your hand anyway, it is about knowing that we are all there together, and I get that.  We all struggle, whether it is with motivation, or finding time to *whatever*.

Mary took over the conference just after that, and the topic she first brought up was, “Is being healthy hard?” Well, yeah! Duh! If it was easy there wouldn’t be the multi billion dollar pharmaceutical industry that exists, and the search for the magic-cure-all pill wouldn’t be happening.

This made me think about how we define healthy though.  Is healthy, the right weight, is it being fit, is it being off medications, is it fitting nicely in a box, or a certain definition?  It isn’t the same for everyone.  So it becomes very important for you to define your health your own way, and plan your goals and strategies the right way.

Mary started speaking about how sometimes our ideas and situations change, and that sometime the changes we make that are intended to be lasting changes aren’t always lasting changes.  For example, I joined the YWCA, it was awesome when I started out.  Since my new job started however it is not as convenient for me to work out there.  The hours are less convenient and I started using that as an excuse.  So my change to working out several days a week was no longer a part of my life.  This change didn’t last. Do I view this as a failure?  No Way!  This is a setback.

See, life is fluid, this is why all those checklists in magazines and 10-step’s to the perfect life type things don’t work out for any kind of long-term success.  You have to be prepared to be flexible and change your plans as life throws you a curveball.

Mary touched on a lot of things that I have come to on my own, but I have this problem… see I, like many of you I imagine, have these amazing moments of clarity and then they just pass, and I forget, or think perhaps they aren’t as great as I think they are.

Some examples of this are, Keeping an eye on “Your Bottom” line.  This is mostly about maintaining weight, but also pertains to when you are stuck in a plateau.  If you get comfortable in a place you become complacent.  Think oh it’s okay I am staying within these 2-lbs so it isn’t a big deal.  My lifestyle is changing and I am not.

I JUST went through this, I started my new job, and I wasn’t going to the gym because I was just plain exhausted, but I was eating the same.  The scale creeps around, and before you know it things are headed in a bad direction FAST.  You always need to be pushing the envelope, not necessarily to lose weight, but keep your eyes on the prize at all times.

Remember setbacks are going to happen, this is a part of life! They happen to everyone! Everyone falls, get back up, keep moving forward. You need to be prepared for this.  Remember everything takes practice which means that everything that you are doing is practice! So be prepared with a backup plan, know what tools you like, and what tools in your arsenal work best for you and use them.  Also be on the lookout for new things to try.

Did you read that…

Everyone falls, get back up. Keep moving forward. Falling is not failure. Failure is giving up, not getting up.

These words are a gift to you.  Let them sink in.  You need to remember them.

Another important thing to remember is that it is important when trying to do anything, whether it is lose weight or run a marathon, that you have to be doing it for the right reasons.  The right reason for me isn’t the right reason for you, and if you aren’t doing it for the right reasons you aren’t going to find lasting success.  That class reunion that you want to look awesome for, what happens when you go, and no one cares that you lost all that weight from when you were 15?  What happens after you break up with that girlfriend that had been making you go to the gym or train for that 5k?  Was the reason that you wanted whatever it was yours or theirs?  You can’t do it for someone else, you can only do it for yourself.  Looking back on my life, I WISH someone could have stopped me before I got to the point in my life where I knew I was going to die.

There were so many dark days in my life where I was so miserable, depressed, in so much pain, and I thought I was at rock bottom, and I just kept going down.  There are also so many people in my life who I see, and I want to push to rock bottom so that I can help build them back up, and make them want to save their own lives.  Sadly all I can do is offer a hand up when the time is right and hope that I can inspire them by doing what I need to and want to for my own reasons.  I got a taste of what I like to call the good life and I know what I want now.

Nike says “there is no finish line.” Which I totally agree with.  When it comes to things like living a healthy active life there will ALWAYS be something to do, try or achieve, however this brings up a great point… when there is no finish something is not a race which means it is perfectly acceptable to go at your own pace!  While at times I feel as thought I am sprinting towards my own goals, there are other times where I feel as thought I am sitting still on the track and lately I feel as thought I have turned around and am headed in the wrong direction altogether I need to be reminded that this isn’t a race.  The path I am on may have a loop or two but if I keep moving forward I will make progress.  Baby steps are still steps, I just need to keep making them.

One super alarming statistic that I heard during the event was that if you do not act on a new idea or concept within 48 hours there is a 50% chance that you will NEVER act on it.  This wasn’t surprising, as much as alarming… and I suppose it is very true.  This is why it was SO IMPORTANT that I act on switching my gym before I just decide to keep sitting around of going and using the hours as an excuse to not go!  When I first joined the gym in 2009 it was also an ACT NOW moment.  I drove past, and thought… I should probably check that out sometime… pulled a U-turn and headed back.  Enough waiting… if life has tought me nothing more it is that time is precious and it shouldn’t be wasted.  If you want something you MUST go after it… and don’t wait!

There was a bit of talk about setting goals, and knowing what goals actually are.  I personally really like the idea of setting up “S.M.A.R.T.” Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely)  and I think that is what Mary was trying to get at in her discussion about pushing for deeper goals that allow you to form strategies with them. For example, I want to be healthy is an extremely vague goal.  However I want to get off of my blood pressure medicine by losing 15 pounds is a much more specific measurable goal.  With those things you can then formulate a plan of attack with diet and exercise.  Make lists of a few things to try, keep trying, and you will make progress on these goals and before you know it your goals become a reality!

Sometimes you have to learn to accept that your lifestyle isn’t going to match what your goals are, and something has to change.  Each situation you are in presents an opportunity for you to learn something.  You always have the opportunity to take something away from a situation, and it is your job to figure out what you are going to take away from it.  Sometimes it is very easy to spot what you are taking away from an interaction or situation.  Every interaction with a person or people can teardown or create a new level to your relationship, so be sure that you are doing all you can be, be present in that moment to foster what you want from that relationship, and this includes the relationship you have with yourself.  Don’t treat yourself poorly!

You need to acknowledge your feeling, learn to see them, feel them and lost of all how important it is to accept them.  It is perfectly okay and acceptable to feel sadness, or frustration, even regret is an acceptable emotion, everything you feel is okay as long as you let yourself feel it!  You know what is not okay?  Letting yourself eat these feelings,

5 Year Plan

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Where are you going to be in five years?

I personally don’t know where I am going to be five minutes from now.  The idea of knowing where I will be in five years isn’t something that I think about a whole lot.  I mean, yes I have long-term goals.  Move into a slightly larger place, where my dining area consists of more than a tray on the bed.  Where I can have people over for game nights and laughter can fill my home until the wee hours of the morning.  I would love to see myself continue to he happy, and healthy and making smart choices in regards to what I eat and the activities that I engage in.

So how do I go about starting to plan for my future?  Well readers… I was at the local bookstore searching out a book to read and help me start my New Year right, with a challenge to myself and I found something unexpected.

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I didn’t go looking for this book. In fact I didn’t even know it existed!  I grabbed it off the recently reduced shelf and started flipping through the pages.  The book is broken up into 5 parts.  Emotional and Physical Health, Family and Relationships, Home and Community, Work and School, and Here I am Again, Building on my Own Experience Up Until Now.

It seems like a pretty awesome way to guide myself into looking at my future in a more concrete light.  It asks you for specifics, measurable and attainable goals. Plus, it is a hardcover book that you write in… that always makes me feel like a rebel!  ~dun dun breakin the law breakin the law dun dun~

So after only a few moments of deliberation I knew I needed to have this book and that it was meant for me.  Afterall part of this years #DoD was that I am writing in my 5-year journal.  One entry in my paper journal everyday, even if it isn’t anything particularly meaningful. Observations, quotes, thoughts, it all counts.  I looked at the shelf space where I had taken the book from and saw there was one copy remaining and decided that I wanted to share this book with someone else.

That is where you come in!  Do you have a 5 year plan?  Is it written down?  Are you interested in setting yourself up for success in the next 5 years?  I can’t guarantee that it will work for you, but we could do it together!  So I am giving you the chance to win my second copy of this book.

Here is the deal, Winner will be selected by random.org on 1/13 because I like the number 13! Several ways to enter, but you have to do the mandatory one to be entered at all. Winner will be contacted and have until 1/16 to respond or another winner will be chosen.

Mandatory Entry… I am taking a question directly from the book… Please answer in a comment below (and include contact information incase you win)

“If I were describing myself in the third person as a character in a novel, this is what I would say:”

Other ways to enter…

  • Tweet about my giveaway
  • Blog about my giveaway

Be sure to leave a separate comment on this post for each entry and make sure I can contact you!

Unlocking The Code

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So Thursday I had a very busy day.  It was truly for the best, I got to sit down with my dear friend Jenn and talk about a lot of things that have been plaguing the two of us lately.  Mainly we have both been stuck.  Wanting to, and at times have been throwing in the towel.  Pieces of our puzzles have been out of alignment, components have gone missing and it has just been not good!

So today we sat down at the `bou, I with my tea, as opposed to a latte (I know right?!) and we started to hash out a plan of action.  While I don’t think it is proper to share the exact contents of our entire evening long discussion that led us to walk around several stores I do want to share with you an analogy that I think helped a bit today, and it was spawned by something I use almost every day!

Unlocking Your Code To Success!

Unlocking Your Code To Success!

 You see that lock there… each of us has one.  Do you know how to open one?  Left, right, left. simple right? You have to have the right code though. Think of each number or letter as a component of your life and you have to make them work together in order to get that lock open.  So if you need 3 components to get that lock open they need to work in the right combination.  So for example you need to eat right, (whole, unprocessed, quality, calorie controlled food), you need to exercise, and you need to get enough sleep.  You have three pieces of this puzzle.  You have to get them in just the right combination to make that lock work.  It is a puzzle and you have to work to get that lock to click for you!

So if I give you the 3 keys of the 20 options on the lock you are ahead of the game.  You just need to work on finding the right order to balance them out!  We each struggle with one part of this more than another.  Break it down knowing you will eventually have to get all the pieces to line up to unlock the secret.  If food is what comes more easily to you, perhaps that is the first letter to open your lock.  Get that part down, and become comfortable with where that location is so to speak, then worry about what comes next!  Pick your next battle, the next thing to tackle, and work through the combination tackling it left and right next.  Before you know it you will be adding in that third part to pop open the lock and your keys to success will be there.  Sometimes you will have to jiggle the lock a bit, and we all know what happens when someone sees your combination, or in my case as your lock gets old, its time to reset that locks combination and shake it up!

Go into it with a plan and start with one thing to focus on at a time.  Trying to restart and refocus on every little thing at a time will likely cause a feeling of sheer overwhelm and cause you to want to quit, like I had and we just can’t have that.

So think about the components of your journey, think about where you can fine tune what you are doing.  Look into your journey and see what you can break down and focus on to find your successes too.  It is important to remember to celebrate those victories… I had gotten away from that.

I am still working my rebound… but I am on track.  Feeling strong, knowing I cn ask for help.  Ready to take on the world!

Back To “Normal”

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After yesterdays breakdown I am feeling a bit better.  I had a talk with a friend at the gym about how I was feeling stuck and trapped and wanted to give up.  I was riding the high of once again finishing off week 3 day 3 of c25k when I got to water aerobics.  We chatted away for the hour of class, cracking jokes and being our silly selves.  Somehow in the mix of silliness we mixed in the seriousness of what I was dealing with.  By the time I got home my blog had gone live and I had already started getting an amazing outpouring of support.  I was amazed.  Thank you, each and every one of you.  It really means a lot that you took time to cheer me on, give me strength, share a thought or a prayer.

As I sit here it is 3am, and I am sitting down to dinner.  My calories are being tracked.  Homemade soup and a banana for dinner.  A strange combo but it is what I wanted.  The open bag of popcorn that I had been taking handfuls from is gone.  The unopened bag of popcorn will stay that way.  Once it is opened it will be bagged down and sealed off into single servings.  If I baggie them out I will be fine.  I have done this before.  I just need to go back to basics.  One step at a time.  Asking for help when I need it, planning my meals, and for the love of god stop eating out of the packages!

Pot Of Soup

I did make myself some lovely soup at the beginning of the week when I was starting to lose grip on things to try to have something that I could go to, to feel kinda healthy about eating.  Beef vegetable soup, I basically browned off a tiny bit of beef and added every veggie that was left in my fridge and freezer.  I added water, herbs, spices, and a few cans of low-sodium broth and stock.  Tonight I added some noodles since I didn’t have any barley.  There are enough veggies in the soup that it is more like a stew with the noodles but it is hearty and I know what went into it.

There are several quarts of non-noodled up soup frozen off ready for dinner at a moments notice.  I will be making a chicken soup this next week.  Before I do that I need to organize my freezer so I can fit the cupcake pans in there.  I like to freeze my soups off in cupcake molds as opposed to quarts because it allows me to thaw out just the amount I want.  I will be prepared for the fall and winter months coming up.  I won’t have to resort to higher calorie processed to go meals and foods.  I will be able to grab something I made and it will taste good!

I also am doing something I didn’t want to do right now but I am starting a #7daychip for #NoDesserts which is especially difficult because I just bought a pumpkin chai cheesecake from my favorite cheesecake bakery Muddy Paws!  It is a brand new seasonal flavor, and you know what, it will still be in the bottom of my freezer later on.  I need to break myself from this sweet treat before bed habit.

A cup of tea or some of my beloved Crystal Light might be okay, but no more cheesecake, ice cream, popcorn, veggies, apples etc at the end of my day.  Bad behavior needs to stop.  If I am hungry I can wait to eat until I wake up.

Now, its dinner time for me!

Dinner!