And then the Rain Fell

The weather for the first portion of my trip wasn’t bad, it was warm but not unbearably hot.  The sun was out, but not scorching.  I got to help my brother pick out flowers for his flower beds, and give him some guidance of proper depth for planing some of the things he had already purchased.  Then came the rain.  I can only assume or I like to think, this was the rain that had followed from Minnesota.  Bringing me comfort of home.  However it was now Sunday and I had a date with Lonely Cottage and my sneakers.

The rain pattered against the air conditioner as I tossed through the clothes in my suitcase, I don’t unpack, I live out of a suitcase and toss into a hamper then repack at the end of a trip, it works for me.  Anyway I found my Future PriorFatGirl T-shirt, and my new running skirt, good socks and finessed myself into the contraption that is the “double bagged” bra’s to keep me secure for a run.  I headed downstairs and no one was to be found.  Mom was still asleep, Dad had gone off to do some work related things I think and the dog was passed out asleep.  I scribbled a note letting them know where I was going filled my water bottle and away I went.
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The rain wasn’t terribly hard, but there were puddles everywhere.  The night before we had some really nasty thunderstorms.  A few of the strikes sounded like they were right outside, you would see the flash of lightning and hear the rumble at the same time, you could see the strikes in the television. 

I headed down the road, and knew a run was out of the question my allergies had been in overdrive since before I left Minnesota, but I had puffed my inhaler and powered thru a few interval sprints getting my heart rate up to where it should be.  I didn’t pay much attention to the scenery as I rushed past it.  I was more intently watching the road below for things like potholes and uneven road surface.  I also was on the lookout for branches and puddles.  The rain continued to fall, the leaves slowed the drizzled feeling and made it feel like the world was melting, dripping down on me.

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One of the things that people like about the country is the solitude.  As I did my walk/run through the back country wooded roads a few cars whipped past me at much past the posted speed limit.  This was not much of a surprise, it is much of the reason we were not allowed to ride our bikes on the road as kids.  I continued down the road keeping a good pace, keeping my heart rate steadily in the fitness zone.  The musty smell of the rain-soaked air began to change… the smell became an almost forgotten all too familiar smell. 

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The scent of death filled my nose from probably a quarter-mile away from where I would eventually find the body.  I tried to breathe as shallow as I possibly could from the time I started smelling the dead deer.  To my surprise when I happened upon the body there were actually no birds feasting on it.  There are usually at least one or two hanging around a body but I think the rain scared them off.  I continued my walk down past the local gun range.  I kept walking, enjoying the solitude of a walk alone letting my mind wander as I listened to my iPod and felt my feet splash along the street.  I passed houses I had driven past so many times.  Houses I had seen built, houses where I knew the residents and didn’t know them, houses full of sleeping people and others who were having their morning coffee.  Dogs barked at me as I passed many of the houses.  As I reached the end point of y predetermined walk I took inventory of my mind for a moment, paused and took a drink of water.  I had never walked this far when I lived here before, I smiled inside and out and started jogging back.

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This means I would have to smell the dead deer again, I didn’t feel comfortable doing a loop out there, the main drag that I would have taken back is not a road you walk on if you plan on living.  People (including trucks) fly up and down that road and I don’t recall ever seeing anyone walk on that road when I lived there.  So I headed back home.  I was in my own little world minding my own business.  Why is it that the return trips always seem to go so much faster?  This seems to be the case when I drive too!  Getting there takes SO LONG but the trip back is so quick!

I was winding down my walk/run and most of the way home minding my business when I heard a truck approaching… and slowing down.  This made my heart want to jump out of my chest.  After being harassed my so many people for so many years I could only imagine who this clown was coming up to bother me.  I turned my head to catch a glimpse of the vehicle and happily recognized the truck.  It was my cousin!  He wanted to know what I was doing.  Uhhh what does it look like?  Silly boy, a little rain wont stop any member of the #PriorFatPack from getting out there and hitting the trail!

I am sure he thought I was a sight to be seen looking like a drowned rat after an hour on the road in the rain, but I was doing what I needed to! I made my way home and into the house.  I threw away my note, chugged some more water.  I got myself a shower and started the rest of my day!  I felt really good about having stuck to my plan for being active during my trip.  It wasn’t as difficult as it could have been, although it could have been easier.

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Post Walk/Run. Tired and in want of a shower!

History Lesson

So after Thursdays adventure to Ringing Rocks Park I was happy to have logged some major mileage n my shoes!  Two days in a row of some major miles and I was ready for more so Thursday night I sat down to dinner with Mom and Dad and tried to lay out a battle plan for Friday.  I had some things I wanted to do on my own but they wanted to take advantage of every moment I was there.  I get it, they don’t see me very often so it’s all good! So a plan was enacted for me to get some time with just my dad. 

Both of my parents grew up in the city of brotherly love.  So the idea of going into Philadelphia for them is no big deal.  I live in a city now, which boggles their mind.  They can’t fathom the fact that this former country girl craves big city living.  However to me Minneapolis is not big city.  When I was asked what I like about city living I can list off SO MANY things about where I live.  I almost feel bad about how much I love my city.  The energy, the noise, the convenience of the shopping.  The opportunities for culture like museums and the opera the people, it is just wonderful.  I have a T-shirt that says I <3 MN and I mean it!

So Friday My dad and I headed into the  city.  Our first stop was his old neighborhood!  We were making a stop off at Swiacki Meats.  If there is one thing that a good Polish girl knows it is good kielbasa… and they make AWESOME kielbasa! I however don’t eat it anymore… I try to avoid processed meats as much as possible.  So we headed up Salmon Street and found a spot to park.  Dad and I headed into the small shop and proceeded to order 10 pounds of smoked kielbasa.  Time to refill the freezer! He also snagged some rye bread babka and pierogis.  None of these things hold any deep routed ties for me. 

We next headed around the rest of the Port Richmond neighborhood where my dad grew up and he showed me much of his old stomping grounds.  I saw lots of what would now be called townhouses but were once rowhomes.  Philly has a much different feel than Minneapolis… I almost want to call it dirtier feeling… or cramped but maybe claustrophobic?  I got to see a lot of the places my godfather lived then I got to see where

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My Grandparents Bar in Port Richmond Philadelphia

my grandparents used to have their bar. I hopped out of the car snapped a photo looked around a little bit.  The garage door on the left side of the photo my dad tells me he used to throw a ball at as a kid.  Dad like me was heavy as a kid, and seems to not recall much of his childhood.  I was happy to once again get to see some of where he grew up. 

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My dads childhood home in Port Richmond Philadelphia

We headed off from the bar and around the corner to just a few blocks away, or it seemed a few blocks away, maybe two or so to the house where he grew up.  It wasn’t much to see but it was his home.

So we finished touring around his neighborhood, dad told me a few stories about how they used his aunts address to get him into a different school and then he didn’t go to school for an entire month leading to the truant officer showing up at his Aunts house looking for him.  Then it was off to another part of the city!

I couldn’t recall the last time I went into Philadelphia to see our nations historical stuff.  I have been to the Franklin Institute since elementary school, and the Academy of Natural Sciences, and perhaps even the US Mint, but it had been a long time since I visited all the other things there. 

We found parking several blocks from the historical attractions, paid the new-fangled meter put the slip on the windshield and hoofed it from there! My dad was so impressed with the ease of which I moved!  He remarked that I should join him on his hunting trips because I could keep up better than some other people who have joined him recently!

We headed over to Independence Hall, the line was INSANE!!! We opted to skip heading to the secondary location for tickets to get in there and instead headed over to see the Liberty Bell.  We waited in line, observing all the school children and I strained my mind trying to remember the last time I was there.  So much had changed.  There is security all over the place now… things don’t really look the same.  We wandered through the exhibit, but only after security went through my bag.  I get it you need to make sure no one has weapons and such, my epi-pen and inhaler are such a threat! We made it back to the area where the bell was.  There were SO MANY PEOPLE!!!

I waited and examined where it take a photo not full of random people.  I kinda wanted my photo with the bell, but I knew that wasnt likely to happen.  I waited for just the right moment, and snapped my photo… Success! Not full of strangers!
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After we left the Liberty Bell we headed over past the Visitors Center and up to the National Constitution Center! Inside there they have all kinds of neat things, you can sign the constitution, take photos with statues of our founding fathers in theoretical positions that they were in.  There was a whole exhibit about Abe Lincoln that was kinda cool, we read some of the panels but not all of them.  (We really would need all day there!) We wandered through the “core exhibit” that they have which is “We the People” it was really cool, you could take interactive tests that would tell you when in history you would have the right to vote.  They have artifacts on display like social security cards of former presidents and other things.  It was really cool!  There was also a live one woman show that we saw that rocked too!

After that our parking meter was sue to expire so we hoofed it back to the car and decided it was soon time to head out of the city to beat the Friday night traffic!  We were going to be meeting my mom for dinner and a movie anyway and didn’t want to be late.  We made it back to the car with a few minutes left on our parking slip.  Philadelphia parking enforcement is no joke! As we got closer to the car I saw no less than 6 parking citations on the street we were on!

So out of the city we ventured, traffic was picking up but wasn’t too bad.  We took the turnpike, which I hadn’t taken in a long time.  I think it was possibly 2005 when I moved when I last actually saw the rates for the turnpike.  It had jumped in price by an amazing amount.  The fare that used to be $.50 was now $1.10.  Crazy! We headed to the diner where my grandparents used to eat dinner every night.  (My dad’s parents)  They would drive the 45 minutes to this diner every night of the week for dinner, the food is good, but to me, not worth the insane drive!  It is across the street from Willow Grove Naval Air Station.  When I was in college I used to hang out at this diner and study between classes. 

My mom was about 15 minutes late to dinner, but Dad an I ordered our dinner anyway and ordered for her too.  I loaded up a plate full of salad and relaxed while I waited for my chicken breast to come.  We enjoyed dinner and talked about our day full of adventure and then it was off to the movies!  We saw Bridesmaids.  It was okay, not as good as I had hoped it would be.  They missed an opportunity to go a different direction with the movie, but my parents thought it was hilarious. 

After we left the theater we headed off to a bar on the way home to hear some friends play some music.  This was a HUGE step for me.  I would have NEVER gone out to a bar at 400 pounds, let alone a bar in Pennsylvania where I could have potentially run into people who I might have known!  Luckily my friends here in Minnesota have shown me that it is okay to step out of my former self and have fun!
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I was a bit nervous when I first got there.  I didn’t know anyone other than the guys in the band and well my dad.  How lame is that.  After a few songs I went up and said hi to Brendan (the guy on the right in the photo) He didn’t even recognize me anymore.  He was happy that I showed up.  I had relaxed into my element, the music was awesome! Although I did feel a little bit like I was cheating on my own bar, I thought of my friends, the regulars at my bar and how much fun we would be having here. 

We stayed until the band was done playing at just after 10:30.  I chatted with some of my dad’s former co-workers and current colleagues.  It was a great time.  It was nice to have spent the day getting to hang out with my dad.  We were never close when I was younger but we are working on our relationship now. So I got a dose of both the history of our country and his history as we looked into our own futures!

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My Dad and I

V for Victory!

So when I started evaluating my trip to Pennsylvania there were so many things that caused stress and anxiety for me.  Those that I talked to, Sabrina, Misty and a few assorted others helped me to focus less on the things that stressed me out, like my former highschool classmates, and more on what I can control. 

There was a HUGE list of things that I wanted to do when I went to Pa this time, the longer I thought about it the more things I wanted to add to the list.  Trouble is, when I am there, I run out of time because my Mom keeps me scheduled fairly crazily or so it feels.  When she asks what I want to do while I am there, I can’t actually say, spend time alone, because they want to be in my face 24/7.  It is enough to drive even the most sane person crazy!

Among the things that I wanted to do on this latest trip out east were many things.  I didn’t get to do most of them.  I wanted to see some friends of mine.  Griff lives in NYC and I didn’t get a chance to visit with him.  I wanted to hit the Jersey Shore for an afternoon, to push my toes into the sand run on the beach and feel the water on my legs.  I wanted to go into Philadelphia and walk around the city, either the part of the city with the Liberty Bell etc or like South Street or through the Museums or perhaps just run up the Phila. Art Museum Steps.  I also wanted to go hike through Ringing Rocks Park

So I took all the things that I wanted to do, and weighed it against the amount of time I actually had, and embarked on crossing things off my list.  After my very long day of flying on Wednesday, where I killed many hours walking in the airport I knew Thursday I was going to want to take on a challenge.

Ringing Rocks is located less than 2 miles from my parents house.  Looking back many years I think the last time I had been there was when I was in fifth grade.  In sixth grade I broke my hip.  That was a huge turning point in my life, the doctors basically said, no more gym, no physical activity.  Not that I had previously been super-active but I had played soccer and enjoyed that a little bit.  I spent so much of my life being told I could not do things, being afraid I was going to break something else.  Which after having busted my hip twice was completely understandable. 

When I hit 400+ pounds I had already resigned myself to the fact that I would NEVER EVER get to see the boulder field inside Ringing Rocks Park ever again, let alone make it back to the waterfall in the park. Well guess what kiddo, you are fragile, you do have a medical condition that means you have to be careful with what you do, but you are not allowed to sit by and let things pass by anymore!  You are not 400 pounds anymore, in fact… You can now fit in an airplane seat, arms down, no seatbelt extension comfortably!  

So when I got up Thursday morning I strapped on my Polar Heart Rate Monitor, grabbed my lumbar pack, a bottle of water, got dressed into my workout clothes grabbed a sandwich thin with some Peanut Butter and was ready to go!  I headed away from the house up the hill toward the park!

I wanted to go alone to the park, to let my past go, to release some of the crap I had been holding onto for so many years, the fears the doubts about myself, about so many things.  Instead my mom tagged along.  I think about people who don’t have their moms anymore and decided there were worse things in life.  Plus this way I had someone to take a photo of me! 

We got to the park and headed down the uneven trail to the boulder field first.  I was so proud of myself, with every step I took down the trail I gained a little bit of pride, a little bit of determination, I knew I was strong enough to make it.  When I hit the entryway to the boulder field my mom got nervous.

Ringing Rocks Park

I handed her my camera and started bounding over the first set, the early rocks are easily passable.  I continued to push past them, my mom moved behind me, watching me navigate through the rock field asking me if I was sure I was okay, asking me if I was sure this was what I wanted to do.  She was so worried that I was going to fall and break my ankle.  To be honest I wasn’t worried in the least.  It had briefly crossed my mind before I left the house “What if I break a bone out there” to which I told myself “then it’s broken. You’ll deal with it.”  I don’t want to live in a world full of what ifs.  They hold you back, keep you scared! I twisted my body around, used my hands and knees and climbed out into the boulder field.  I felt the rocks under my fingers as  I touched the rocks.  I steadied myself between some rocks as there is no “ground” to step on, its rocks on rocks on rocks and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.  I had really done this!  I wasn’t living in the shadows, I was stepping out of my former self and letting go!

Accomplishment!

Boulder Field at Ringing Rocks Park

 

I left the boulder field and headed straight down the other trail to the waterfall! The trail got more uneven, more rocks in the path, more tree roots holes weathered into the path.  I watched my steps carefully, I was on a high but I knew one false step could end my adventure.  I passed the “flat faced rock” that had been freshly tagged with new graffiti, my mom was upset by this.  It is one of the few things I remember from the park as a kid, that rock was ALWAYS tagged.  As I got closer to the falls I could hear the water.  It’s not a huge waterfall, but anyone who has heard the sound knows the sound.  We first went to get a view of the falls, I took a moment to climb out and peek down to see what it’s looking like now-days.  Then onto the unbeaten trail that lets you get onto the upper part of the falls! Lots of poison ivy up that way, most people don’t go up that way, you have to actually work to get on to the top of the falls.  I worked my way up then down the terrain and onto the falls! I let out a bellowing WOOHOO!!! and fist bumped the air!

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Rocks just on top of the waterfall

Looking at that photo I can tell you I am just freakin beaming, I also look TINY! Okay, maybe not tiny but tiny compared to how I look in jeans and a t-shirt.  Maybe the #PriorFatPack girls are right I do need to ditch those T-shirts!

I really did feel like something left me when I cleared the falls, and with each step I took towards the exit of the park (aside from needing my inhaler thanks to the lovely spring allergies) it felt as though I was breaking off chunks of my past and my conceptions of who I was and what I could do and leaving them behind.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have no misconceptions I know I still have a TON of baggage leftover from all of the pain that was brought on from my childhood and adolescence.  A good portion of which my mom kept poking at while I was there.  Which I very much do not appreciate.  Baby steps shall be the key to success.  I accepted the challenge to make it to the waterfall and I did it! I never thought I would see it again in my lifetime for so many reasons but I did it!

Never give up! Never surrender!