Tag Archives: Milestones

Success Redefined

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How do you measure something that there is no clear definition of? Something that is not actually quantified by everyone the same way? How can one person simply define a word and it be the pinnacle and definitive answer for everyone. Simple, you can’t, I can’t.
Each and every single one of us must sit back and look at the big picture and look to see what we are trying to find success at. Are you successful can be such a loaded question, and lead down so many roads. It can lead you to a very positive or very negative place based upon where you are mentally and how you interpret the question.
In the health and wellness world how do you view success? When I started losing weight I was over 400 pounds. I know you have read it over and over again but it bears repeating because I will never forget it, I felt as though I was going to die. I was trapped inside a tomb that was my body. I had high blood pressure, dangerously high, I had high cholesterol, horrendous triglycerides and the thought of doing anything except driving around delivering packages in my car, and drinking red bull and Starbucks at all hours of the day and night was my reality.
I am still not at my goal weight, I got to about 250 and my life went through a shift. My personal life underwent an overhaul, my professional life went through a complete shift where I went from working nights and weekends to a 55+ hour a week shift that starts at about 3:45 every weekday morning. I regained in the neighborhood of 50 pounds and if I didn’t know better by most of the definitions that I can think of that would make me a failure.
WRONG! I make my own definitions of success, and I do not view this as a failure, because I am still trying. I am still actively choosing to pick the better choices for food. I choose to go to the gym instead of going to the coffee shop on Saturday mornings. I choose to push myself to be better I choose to get up and go.
I measure success not in the number on the scale, because a number while a unit of measure is not a measure of self worth, and is not a measure of what I have accomplished but in how I feel. I do not measure success in the size of my jeans, or in the number of friends I have or the number of miles I can run, which by the way is ZERO. I measure my success on the number of times I get up when I fall down.
I measure my success on how strong I can be, for myself and for my friends. I measure success in what I can give to others, and the strength I can share. This past weekend I participated in the #happy5k project. (Check them out on Facebook and Twitter!) I love this idea, it is a virtual 5k, and their motto is Have a Purpose, Push Yourself. I love this motto. As most of you know I am currently stuck in the pool for exercise (and if you followed twitter last nights dreadmill went horribly and I am back in the water until further notice) So I water walked my 5k.
I love that there are things like virtual 5k’s that I can participate in that allow me to have the sense of community with other athletes, that can give me the same rush and feeling of success that I had when I did the Prior Fat Pack 5k, or the Fathers Day 5k. I am hopeful that I will be back in action by the time the Color Run comes around in July, but since the treadmill killed me after 1.25 miles yesterday and I can barely walk due to heel issues from it today we shall play by ear.
I had a successful virtual 5k, I am part of something bigger. I love it!
So I will continue on babysteppin-waterwalkin my way thru one setback at a time as long as it takes.
I am a success story, I will forever be my own success story, I just have to decide how I want to end my success story… luckily there is still too much of the story to be written to worry about an ending.
Are you successful? Do you keep pushing yourself despite the odds to get where you want to be? How do you define your personal success?

Day from Hell in Survival Mode.

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So Last week I had a day from hell… if I had to pick a day where I was on a path for a disaster of derailment, Thursday would have been it.  I was swamped at work all day.  I had a workout scheduled on the books.  I was tired by the end of the day.  Worn out, and just so ready to call it a day.  I got in my car and headed the opposite direction from my house.

There are several ways I can go to get to the gym from my office and I knew if I went past my house, I would be on auto-pilot and just go home.  Looking back at the day, the self care involved in going to the pool was likely the best thing for me after the day I had already had… but I would have liked the events that followed to have not occurred.

I completed my workout, which included a little bit of jogging with the current in the pool.  I am after-all slowly training to walk a 5k, and I would love to not be last! Anyway the workouts are going ok, although I need to think about saving for some kind of waterproof mp3 player.  I got to the parking lot, approached my car and started slipping on the ice.   I fell most of the way to the ground grabbed the handle to my car-door to stop me from completely slamming into the ground full-impact, my phone bounced out of my pocket and fell to the ground and you guessed it. Shattered the screen.  I wasn’t far from Best Buy, who I have my phone protection plan from, so I went there, which meant I wasn’t on schedule for dinner and bed.  After waiting at Best Buy they told me if I needed the data (the 180+ photos off my phone) I would have to go home and back it up.  So i sadly walked to my car, grumpy hormonal and emotional.  I got to my car, being extra careful not to slip again… I look at my tire and see something shiny.

There was a screw in my tire.  FUCK! I pushed on the tire it was still, as far as I could tell, fully inflated.  I drove the opposite direction from home to Costco where I bought the tires.  They told me it would be 1.5 to 2 hours to get my tire fixed.  At this point I was in toddler-meltdown mode.  I said fine, just fix it.  I grabbed a cart and started wandering the store hungry and crying.

Sample ladies… sampling bananas foster trifle.  Oh lord help me.  I walked past, and I walked past again.  She was just across from the cuties.  I grabbed a bag, and a cooked chicken, and a container of blueberries.  I cried as I walked.  I put the chicken back knowing I wouldn’t eat the whole thing before it went bad this late in the week.  I grabbed some cooked shrimp with cocktail sauce you get an insane amount of shrimp for a low number of points on Weight Watchers.  I was trying to keep my head about me.  I sampled a small cube of Tillamook cheddar cheese and my phone rang.  More bad news, the tire center has now broken the stud on my wheel. FUCK ME! They tell me about 10 more mins and my car will be ready to go.  I just start crying again.

I don’t even want to check out at this point.  I just want to leave my cart and go home.  I grab some allergy meds, and a box of the Fiber One chocolate chip cookie brownies that they finally started carrying (they carried the brownies, but not the chocolate chip cookie kind before) and headed for the registers.  Small talk with the cashier ended with him being extremely happy his day was better than mine.  I was to the point where my small talk gene was just shot.

I went and got my car and wanted nothing more than junk food.  I had not really had that much to eat during the day, I could have grabbed a burger or something.  I drove home, passing a crap-ton of fast food places.   Including on the last few blocks, just before my house, a Burger King and a McDonald’s.  I kept telling myself You do not really want those things, you are working toward being healthy, this is stress induced.  You do not need to eat a burger just because it is quick.  You owe it to yourself to take the time to sit and eat your food.

I got home and sat down on my bed and cried.  Took my medicine for the pain that was growing in my neck and back, and I went to the kitchen.  I weighed out my shrimp, 6 ounces worth, I grabbed some fruit, and a skinny cow chocolate bar.  I sat quietly, and just wallowed in all the bad shit that had happened.  I wallowed in the jury duty notice I had gotten the day before.  I cried over all the shitty stuff that happened that day, and then I tried to find the good things that happened.

1.) The day was over, I was about to crawl into my warm bed

2.) I had insurance on my cellphone, even though I had broken it, it would not cost me anything to get it fixed.

3.)The tire that had a screw in it was not flat when I found it, however if I had not found it, it could have/would have been flat at 3:30 am the next morning when I went to go to work and I’d have been late and had to change it in the snow.

4.)I stayed in control of what I ate despite a bad situation where I would have and could have easily just grabbed a pizza or burger before.

5.)I stuck to my plans to workout.

So I slept through the night, mostly.  I woke up Friday, and greeted the new day for what it was a new day.  I tried singing to my coffee syrup.  I went into the day with a positive attitude, it was a rough day too, but it was one day.  I continue to babystep my way along.  Proud that I survived a shitty day.

Gaining… a foothold.

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So here I sit, it is almost 5am.  My neck and back are sore, my body aches, but we are coming to an understanding.  Since Saturday I have been to the gym (well including Saturday) 4 times.  I have had FOUR 45 minute water walking sessions in the vortex pool.  This isn’t just regular water walking, this is against the current.  One of them I have had company for, one I had the pool all to myself for.  I find myself mostly just counting my steps to about 110 then realizing I am just counting and then trying to focus on something else, and then find I am counting again.  It isn’t bad, it is just a thing.  Yesterday I focused hard on the things that are super difficult for me since the vortex was mostly empty for the 45 minutes I had available.  Walking backwards, with my pelvis/spine properly aligned, not hyper extending my knees, and with good posture.  I would do a few laps of that, then do some sideways focusing on trying to get my feet to orient the “normal” way.  My hips aren’t normal, and that contributes to some of my back issues.  It is all connected, and I can clearly see that with my body.  When the problems start below the percolate up, just as water drips through coffee grounds to make things change.

I already feel like I am regaining a bit of strength as I return to the water.  Perhaps it is all in my head, perhaps my body knows that I am not ready to give up this fight.  I have always done my best work in the water.  After all I could swim before I could walk (#Waterbabies4life!) The water was always good for my fibro, and its the safest place for my ehlers-danlos.  I am not going to rush myself onto land anytime soon.  While I feel pressures to try and workout with my friends, and make my workouts and schedules match theirs, I know that this isn’t about anyone but me.  I have to do what works for me, for my schedule, I live a crazy life, it is hard.  The more I flex my schedule the harder it is on my body and I can’t do that.  I can’t keep up. This is my reality.

I am grateful this week that I finally got to have dinner with a friend whom I had not sat down to talk with since last January.  He and I went out to dinner at Matt’s Bar.  (Home of the not diet friendly JucyLucy!) A Burger stuffed with cheese! I counted my points all day long, and I did just fine.  The burger was awesome, the company made it even better.  I laughed, I nearly cried, nothing shot out of noses, not even boogers THANK GOD! We are going to try and work on a more frequent than once a year catch-up session.  (I can only hope for this, as hard as it is to see some of my friends, this guy is the hardest one to nail down it seems!)

So I feel like this week so far has been a success, I am getting the swing of things and moving forward with my progress back into the swing of exercise.  I do have a 5k walk on the books for July.  I signed up for the Minneapolis Color Run, I plan to walk it, as we discovered running is quite possibly the worst thing for me.  (Maybe speed walking?)  I wanted a goal on the books, other than the obesity 5k in April with Gary from Charities Challenge. So yep, that’s where things stand!

Happy Thursday! :)

 

*peeks head out*

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Is It Safe? Just kidding! I am still here, still following Weight Watchers.  Still going to meetings working the program.  3 weeks ago I hit the 5% mark, which means I have lost 5% of my starting weight, or something like that.  I dunno I got a big sticker, and they asked me for tips and tricks.  My reply was to just keep going.  Always weigh in, whether you ate breakfast before the meeting or not, whether you went out the night before and had sushi with soy-sauce, and not the low sodium kind.  It is not a race, it is not a sprint, it is a process, an ever evolving process.

My leader, Judy, weighed me in the week I hit my 5% and we chatted a bit before the meeting, she told me that she enjoys the things that I add to the meeting, because I am often very insightful about the topics.  I am only insightful because I have spent my whole life in this never ending battle.  I have read diet and healthy eating/living books since I was a preteen.  One of hte last ones I read is covered in post it notes and actually has a notebook full of scribbles and page number references with it because it made so many good points.

I see a lot of people in my social circle online, (I wish i could see yall more) trying the #Whole30 lifestyle plan.  It sounds really interesting, and I might look into how i can use that in my life, I mean, right now on WW with my schedule the way it is I find I am backsliding into processed food, which is something I have/had worked so hard to eliminate but because it is so much easier to just grab something packaged and know itsWXYZ is a certain # of points I worry about the actual nutrition of it.

I am also off the exercise bandwagon right now.  For those that know me I have been battling a wicked case of PF, I have been icing it down, doing the at home physical therapy, rolling on a golfball, and there has been some improvement, but a week ago something bad happened.  I wrenched my back something fierce.  I could barely move, let alone twist turn or walk without discomfort.  I used every trick in my arsenal, including my fibro pain meds and nothing was touching the pain.  Monday I made an emergency appointment with the doctors office, and they think it is a soft tissue injury.  They did a few tests and dont think there is anything pinched or herniated, and I don’t remember doing anything to injure my back so *finger crossed* we are working on treatment for that.

They gave me a shot, that was supposed to work in about an hour, it didn’t work in an hour… the only thing that happened in an hour was an allergic reaction to the bandaid they put on my backside! (in big red font on my chart is allergic to adhesive, only use paper tape, and use as sparingly as possible UGH!!!) about 24 hours after the shot the pain difference is mostly night and day.  I can move again, without the tears of pain pushing on my eyes.  I am unsure if that is the shot, or the muscle relaxants they game me.  Either way the cocktail I have been downing is at least starting to work.

Friday I will have my first PT session for my back, I am not looking forward to that, I HATE physical therapy.  i need to make sure whomever I end up with understands what ehlers-danlos is, and how extra careful we need to be.  The last round of PT i had was for my knee and they didn’t understand that with my knees the hyper extension is from the disorder and is not something i can actively help and is something they need to be wary of.  *sigh* The thought of PT on my back makes me extremely nervous, and makes my anxiety level go through the roof. However I will get through this, it just means my Fridays will now be Work, PT then home to ice eat and sleep.  Sounds fun…. NOT

Have you been through PT for a back injury? Was it bad?

Week1 at Weight Watchers

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So for those that follow me on “The Twitters” You saw something fun on Saturday morning.  Or rather, something that started out unusual.  I was not apprehensive about going for my weigh-in.  See I have kind-of taken this whole new adventure into the Weight Watchers 2012 Points Plus program as a, low pressure experiment.  Seeing as my calorie counting has become such a failure with the added stresses of my job This was logical.  So Saturday morning I tweeted as I headed out to my meeting.  Arrived, hopped up on my scale and collected my very first 5 pound loss sticker.

 

Now those of you that know me, or have known me for any period of time know I am a freaking sticker junkie.  I am absolutely obsessed with all things cute, cuddly and adorable, and also with stickers.  So the simple fact that WW uses stickers as part of the reinforcement for this program is just AWESOME!

 
Changes that have occurred in my household in the last week are things like, planning and packing my breakfast and lunch, instead of ordering Jimmy John’s (mmm vegetarian, add onions and hot peppers).  I have also gone out searching for new recipes again, instead of relying on old standbys.  I made breakfast for dinner twice, once was bacon egg and cheese biscuit cups, and once was hash-brown sausage egg cups.  Both are made in Cupcake tins! Yumm Cupcakes for dinner.

 

I have now attended three meetings, trying to find a group/leader that I mesh with.  I really liked the leader that I met on Saturday, sadly she was a substitute, and her meetings are on Thursday mornings at like 10Am which wont work.  The Sunday morning leader and group that I met yesterday seemed really fun, plus it would put me in the perfect spot to go do my grocery shopping at Target right after.  Nothing like getting inspired, and heading right to the store so I don’t fill the cart with junk right?

 

My fridge is pretty full of good things, I have been eating the same thing for breakfast everyday.  Cottage Cheese with fruit (a combo of pineapple, kiwi, plums, peaches, cherries) and some cucumber slices.  I like adding the cucumber to it because it lightens the flavors and makes it taste even fresher.  You will also find in my fridge tons of mushrooms and zucchini, some salad mixes, grape tomatoes (which aldi had for $.79 a pint!) Seaweed salad.  Then theres the typical base items to build meals from, eggs, chicken sausages, chicken breasts, lean ground beef, steaks.  I want to stop at Coastal Seafood this week and get some shrimp or fish.

 

Of the 5 new meals I cooked last week there was only one miss-fire, which isn’t too bad when you think about it… it called for 4 cups of cheese… I cut it in half… and it was still far too much.  Anything that isn’t a miss goes in my cute little book of dinners along with the point value per serving that should make meal planning a snap!

 
Confession time… I am still not in love with the gym.  Big surprise right? I am trying to keep my modalities mixed, and I am shooting for five days of activity.  I get so utterly bored when I am in the gym, I get in there and I just don’t want to be there.  I know I need to think outside of the box about activity, perhaps a class or something, and maybe shift one of my activity days to the weekend, and maybe try Zumba or something different but I don’t know.  Last week I did 2 days of walking 2 days of elliptical and 1 day on the bike.  I didn’t do any of those things on consecutive days.  I want to keep my body guessing a bit.  I may also spring for a personal training session or two in the next month to familiarize myself with the way the weights in the gym work, because that should become a part of my routine as well.

 

 

 

—–Closing thoughts—–

 

This week did have a rough spot in it.  My friend Mark passed away early Wednesday morning.  I have been grieving, in my own way, trying to feel my feelings, but not let them interfere with my life.  I appreciate my friends that have all reached out to me during this time, and I also appreciate the understanding when I haven’t returned calls because I just needed some space.  This is my first Monday morning without Mark, I mean he hasn’t been in the office in a long time on a Monday, but there was usually a phone call or some laughter.  This is the second coworker I have lost since I started here in 2005, but I was really close to Mark.

 

Mark paid me some of the highest compliments of my life in his last few weeks of life.  Speaking to his daughter and I together telling her how strong I was, and how much of a fighter I am, and how she needs to be sure to get to know me and stay involved in my life because that is important to him.  I am glad that I could provide him some awesome company during his life as well as some laughter and comfort at the end of his life.

 

 

One Breath, Because It’s Hard!

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Let’s be honest, my head is still swimming, or moreover my heart is still in overwhelm from Saturday.  The #OBOS events always hit me right in the chest.  I think it is because I let myself be vulnerable, because it is a necessary part of getting to the root of why I became 400+ pounds.  I think it is also crucial to helping others along the way.  So that being said, once again the topics covered hit right a bit too close to home, which of course were just what I needed.

Jen started out the morning having us close our eyes and raise our hands if we had felt recently that our journey was overwhelming or hard etc.  With my eyes closed, (but wanting to peek to know for sure) she assure us that we all had our hands raised.  I always secretly don’t want to raise my hand just to be “That Asshole”.  The point of the exercise isn’t about raising your hand anyway, it is about knowing that we are all there together, and I get that.  We all struggle, whether it is with motivation, or finding time to *whatever*.

Mary took over the conference just after that, and the topic she first brought up was, “Is being healthy hard?” Well, yeah! Duh! If it was easy there wouldn’t be the multi billion dollar pharmaceutical industry that exists, and the search for the magic-cure-all pill wouldn’t be happening.

This made me think about how we define healthy though.  Is healthy, the right weight, is it being fit, is it being off medications, is it fitting nicely in a box, or a certain definition?  It isn’t the same for everyone.  So it becomes very important for you to define your health your own way, and plan your goals and strategies the right way.

Mary started speaking about how sometimes our ideas and situations change, and that sometime the changes we make that are intended to be lasting changes aren’t always lasting changes.  For example, I joined the YWCA, it was awesome when I started out.  Since my new job started however it is not as convenient for me to work out there.  The hours are less convenient and I started using that as an excuse.  So my change to working out several days a week was no longer a part of my life.  This change didn’t last. Do I view this as a failure?  No Way!  This is a setback.

See, life is fluid, this is why all those checklists in magazines and 10-step’s to the perfect life type things don’t work out for any kind of long-term success.  You have to be prepared to be flexible and change your plans as life throws you a curveball.

Mary touched on a lot of things that I have come to on my own, but I have this problem… see I, like many of you I imagine, have these amazing moments of clarity and then they just pass, and I forget, or think perhaps they aren’t as great as I think they are.

Some examples of this are, Keeping an eye on “Your Bottom” line.  This is mostly about maintaining weight, but also pertains to when you are stuck in a plateau.  If you get comfortable in a place you become complacent.  Think oh it’s okay I am staying within these 2-lbs so it isn’t a big deal.  My lifestyle is changing and I am not.

I JUST went through this, I started my new job, and I wasn’t going to the gym because I was just plain exhausted, but I was eating the same.  The scale creeps around, and before you know it things are headed in a bad direction FAST.  You always need to be pushing the envelope, not necessarily to lose weight, but keep your eyes on the prize at all times.

Remember setbacks are going to happen, this is a part of life! They happen to everyone! Everyone falls, get back up, keep moving forward. You need to be prepared for this.  Remember everything takes practice which means that everything that you are doing is practice! So be prepared with a backup plan, know what tools you like, and what tools in your arsenal work best for you and use them.  Also be on the lookout for new things to try.

Did you read that…

Everyone falls, get back up. Keep moving forward. Falling is not failure. Failure is giving up, not getting up.

These words are a gift to you.  Let them sink in.  You need to remember them.

Another important thing to remember is that it is important when trying to do anything, whether it is lose weight or run a marathon, that you have to be doing it for the right reasons.  The right reason for me isn’t the right reason for you, and if you aren’t doing it for the right reasons you aren’t going to find lasting success.  That class reunion that you want to look awesome for, what happens when you go, and no one cares that you lost all that weight from when you were 15?  What happens after you break up with that girlfriend that had been making you go to the gym or train for that 5k?  Was the reason that you wanted whatever it was yours or theirs?  You can’t do it for someone else, you can only do it for yourself.  Looking back on my life, I WISH someone could have stopped me before I got to the point in my life where I knew I was going to die.

There were so many dark days in my life where I was so miserable, depressed, in so much pain, and I thought I was at rock bottom, and I just kept going down.  There are also so many people in my life who I see, and I want to push to rock bottom so that I can help build them back up, and make them want to save their own lives.  Sadly all I can do is offer a hand up when the time is right and hope that I can inspire them by doing what I need to and want to for my own reasons.  I got a taste of what I like to call the good life and I know what I want now.

Nike says “there is no finish line.” Which I totally agree with.  When it comes to things like living a healthy active life there will ALWAYS be something to do, try or achieve, however this brings up a great point… when there is no finish something is not a race which means it is perfectly acceptable to go at your own pace!  While at times I feel as thought I am sprinting towards my own goals, there are other times where I feel as thought I am sitting still on the track and lately I feel as thought I have turned around and am headed in the wrong direction altogether I need to be reminded that this isn’t a race.  The path I am on may have a loop or two but if I keep moving forward I will make progress.  Baby steps are still steps, I just need to keep making them.

One super alarming statistic that I heard during the event was that if you do not act on a new idea or concept within 48 hours there is a 50% chance that you will NEVER act on it.  This wasn’t surprising, as much as alarming… and I suppose it is very true.  This is why it was SO IMPORTANT that I act on switching my gym before I just decide to keep sitting around of going and using the hours as an excuse to not go!  When I first joined the gym in 2009 it was also an ACT NOW moment.  I drove past, and thought… I should probably check that out sometime… pulled a U-turn and headed back.  Enough waiting… if life has tought me nothing more it is that time is precious and it shouldn’t be wasted.  If you want something you MUST go after it… and don’t wait!

There was a bit of talk about setting goals, and knowing what goals actually are.  I personally really like the idea of setting up “S.M.A.R.T.” Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely)  and I think that is what Mary was trying to get at in her discussion about pushing for deeper goals that allow you to form strategies with them. For example, I want to be healthy is an extremely vague goal.  However I want to get off of my blood pressure medicine by losing 15 pounds is a much more specific measurable goal.  With those things you can then formulate a plan of attack with diet and exercise.  Make lists of a few things to try, keep trying, and you will make progress on these goals and before you know it your goals become a reality!

Sometimes you have to learn to accept that your lifestyle isn’t going to match what your goals are, and something has to change.  Each situation you are in presents an opportunity for you to learn something.  You always have the opportunity to take something away from a situation, and it is your job to figure out what you are going to take away from it.  Sometimes it is very easy to spot what you are taking away from an interaction or situation.  Every interaction with a person or people can teardown or create a new level to your relationship, so be sure that you are doing all you can be, be present in that moment to foster what you want from that relationship, and this includes the relationship you have with yourself.  Don’t treat yourself poorly!

You need to acknowledge your feeling, learn to see them, feel them and lost of all how important it is to accept them.  It is perfectly okay and acceptable to feel sadness, or frustration, even regret is an acceptable emotion, everything you feel is okay as long as you let yourself feel it!  You know what is not okay?  Letting yourself eat these feelings,

5 Year Plan

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Where are you going to be in five years?

I personally don’t know where I am going to be five minutes from now.  The idea of knowing where I will be in five years isn’t something that I think about a whole lot.  I mean, yes I have long-term goals.  Move into a slightly larger place, where my dining area consists of more than a tray on the bed.  Where I can have people over for game nights and laughter can fill my home until the wee hours of the morning.  I would love to see myself continue to he happy, and healthy and making smart choices in regards to what I eat and the activities that I engage in.

So how do I go about starting to plan for my future?  Well readers… I was at the local bookstore searching out a book to read and help me start my New Year right, with a challenge to myself and I found something unexpected.

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I didn’t go looking for this book. In fact I didn’t even know it existed!  I grabbed it off the recently reduced shelf and started flipping through the pages.  The book is broken up into 5 parts.  Emotional and Physical Health, Family and Relationships, Home and Community, Work and School, and Here I am Again, Building on my Own Experience Up Until Now.

It seems like a pretty awesome way to guide myself into looking at my future in a more concrete light.  It asks you for specifics, measurable and attainable goals. Plus, it is a hardcover book that you write in… that always makes me feel like a rebel!  ~dun dun breakin the law breakin the law dun dun~

So after only a few moments of deliberation I knew I needed to have this book and that it was meant for me.  Afterall part of this years #DoD was that I am writing in my 5-year journal.  One entry in my paper journal everyday, even if it isn’t anything particularly meaningful. Observations, quotes, thoughts, it all counts.  I looked at the shelf space where I had taken the book from and saw there was one copy remaining and decided that I wanted to share this book with someone else.

That is where you come in!  Do you have a 5 year plan?  Is it written down?  Are you interested in setting yourself up for success in the next 5 years?  I can’t guarantee that it will work for you, but we could do it together!  So I am giving you the chance to win my second copy of this book.

Here is the deal, Winner will be selected by random.org on 1/13 because I like the number 13! Several ways to enter, but you have to do the mandatory one to be entered at all. Winner will be contacted and have until 1/16 to respond or another winner will be chosen.

Mandatory Entry… I am taking a question directly from the book… Please answer in a comment below (and include contact information incase you win)

“If I were describing myself in the third person as a character in a novel, this is what I would say:”

Other ways to enter…

  • Tweet about my giveaway
  • Blog about my giveaway

Be sure to leave a separate comment on this post for each entry and make sure I can contact you!

Job Jitters!

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So Tuesday life ends, and begins.  There is so much I am worried about.  I lack confidence in myself.  I am unsure that I will be able to handle the pressures of the job I have taken on.  I worry that I am not strong enough to endure the stress without a meltdown.  I don’t want to be the girl that messes something up, gets yelled at and then crys in front of her boss… because if I get yelled at I WILL be the girl that crys in front of her boss.  Yep I am a crier… and I am not a pretty crier… are any of us?

I have been trying not to count my chickens before they hatch about the job shift I am going through.  The person I am training with has been going through some terrible health issues in his life.  This is why I am being trained in.  My fortune is on the tails of his misfortune and to me that is just not cool.  It also means that much of my shifting depends on him.

My boss has not been the most communicative about the change.  For example we moved up my start date for this training thing by a week, a little more than a week ago.  Which is fine, but with my moving into day shift work I can’t play swing shifter and work my 12 hour weekend shift after spending a few days in the office so I need to play the assertive one and make sure when I go in on Tuesday that he understands that this change was his doing and that he needs to make sure that Saturdays are now his responsibility to cover.

I am also nervous about just being in the office… not the food so much as the fact that I don’t know how it is going to effect my workout routine.  I have formulated a plan to hit the gym as soon as I am done work no matter how tired I am.  It is only like two blocks off my route home and I think I need to make that commitment to go workout as soon as my shift is over because if I try and do it before work my sleep schedule will start to become all weird again.

The food is a tiny bit worry some though.  I mean let’s be honest, I have some food issues.  Mainly I am not comfortable eating around most people.  I have NEVER eaten any food in front of my boss, or these particular coworkers.  I have had a latte from Starbucks or a diet Coke but that is about it.  I bought myself a water cup, so I can pound my water while I am in the office.  I am unsure what I want to take for lunch, or breakfast.  I bought a few yogurts, and some hummus and veggies, but I just don’t know what I am going to be packing.

I know things will workout the way they will.  I can only control so much.  So I just need to get the first day under my belt and move forward from there.  So Tuesday morning think of me as you all head off to work because I am sure I will be wanting to puke from nerves heading off to a job that I know I am qualified for… but am endlessly nervous about.

#c25k Cult

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So for those that have followed my blog for a while you remember the launch of the pack, we tag on twitter as #f2fpack now, back in the day we were the #priorfatpack.  We did a 5k together back on Memorial Day… it was a long time ago.

Prior to memorial day I had started to train with a #c25k app on my iPod to get ready for the 5k run.  I pushed so hard to try to get ready for that run and my body just wasn’t having any parts of it.  I went back to training again after that 5k and pushed for the Fathers Day 5k… and again my body rejected my advances.  Every time I pushed to try to move past week 3 my body was shutting down.

On this journey I have learned many things.  One of which is I don’t quit things anymore.  So once again I started pushing myself through the #c25k starting again with week 3.  Guess what?  I have been making progress!  Not only have I made it through week 3, I passed through week 4 and I am working the week 5 program right now!  Thursday morning will be my first “no walk” day.  20 minutes are on tap.  It would be a lie if I said I am not scared of that run.  I mean, the though of twenty minutes of running is terrifying!  I guess I just need to make sure I have some good music loaded up and that I don’t watch the clock.  I think that has been the biggest positive thing lately, not watching the clock as I run my intervals.  That and remembering to puff on my albuterol before I go to the gym, without that stuff I am in trouble.

I hadn’t really looked ahead in the #c25k program to see what was coming up so finding out I had a 20 minute run this week came as a bit of a shock!  Up until now most of the weeks had been the same intervals over and over again… for well weeks at a time… I redid week three so many times… SO MANY times.  There is nothing wrong with repeating weeks is what I am told.  There is no set rules for how this works.

At this point I have given myself over to the program.  It almost feels a bit like a cult.  I don’t ask why things are the way they are, I accept the program the way it is.  I know that there are reasons why I have a 20 minute run Thursday and then Sunday’s run will be intervals again.  Why ask why?  When I tweeted about the run and mildly questioning the run I did hear that many training programs have longer workouts one day and then it backs off the next.  I also was told that this is the turning point of the program… this is where you find out that you can run.  Well I figured that out last week when I ran my mile!

I have an upcoming 5k on the books, it isn’t the big Thanksgiving 5k through downtown Minneapolis I am planning to do the Charities Challenge Thanksgiving Day Giving Thanks 5k. I really am torn because I want to do both races.  I really would love to spend the morning with my friends downtown because I have never done a race there, however I know there are like 10,000 people signed up for that race and we won’t be sticking together, and I wouldn’t want to.  I never want to hold anyone back.  The CC group is just amazing, they celebrate everyone crossing the finish line because it is a goal just to finish for some of us.  I am so thankful for them this year so it is only appropriate that I spend Thanksgiving with them.

I will likely join CC for the Christmas and New Year run’s as well.  Nothing set in stone, finances will be a determining factor as will the weather and my overall health by then.  I am excited to be moving forward with my jogging though.  I am happy to be an actual athlete, or stating to feel like one.  Slowly, one step at a time I am changeing, creating my new self from the lump of clay I was given.

A Year in Blogging

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So I will make this short…

Today is the One Year Anniversary of my blog.

It is time to put on my big girl pants and keep working towards my goal. Wait… what was that? You want to see those big girl pants? Okay!

Keep working hard, being amazing and good things will happen! Remember that “The difference between where you are and where you want to be is your commitment to getting there.” ~Michael Clapier