Day from Hell in Survival Mode.

Posted on February 4, 2013 by krisgetshealthy

So Last week I had a day from hell… if I had to pick a day where I was on a path for a disaster of derailment, Thursday would have been it. I was swamped at work all day. I had a workout scheduled on the books. I was tired by the end of the day. Worn out, and just so ready to call it a day. I got in my car and headed the opposite direction from my house.

There are several ways I can go to get to the gym from my office and I knew if I went past my house, I would be on auto-pilot and just go home. Looking back at the day, the self care involved in going to the pool was likely the best thing for me after the day I had already had… but I would have liked the events that followed to have not occurred.

I completed my workout, which included a little bit of jogging with the current in the pool. I am after-all slowly training to walk a 5k, and I would love to not be last! Anyway the workouts are going ok, although I need to think about saving for some kind of waterproof mp3 player. I got to the parking lot, approached my car and started slipping on the ice. I fell most of the way to the ground grabbed the handle to my car-door to stop me from completely slamming into the ground full-impact, my phone bounced out of my pocket and fell to the ground and you guessed it. Shattered the screen. I wasn’t far from Best Buy, who I have my phone protection plan from, so I went there, which meant I wasn’t on schedule for dinner and bed. After waiting at Best Buy they told me if I needed the data (the 180+ photos off my phone) I would have to go home and back it up. So i sadly walked to my car, grumpy hormonal and emotional. I got to my car, being extra careful not to slip again… I look at my tire and see something shiny.

There was a screw in my tire. FUCK! I pushed on the tire it was still, as far as I could tell, fully inflated. I drove the opposite direction from home to Costco where I bought the tires. They told me it would be 1.5 to 2 hours to get my tire fixed. At this point I was in toddler-meltdown mode. I said fine, just fix it. I grabbed a cart and started wandering the store hungry and crying.

Sample ladies… sampling bananas foster trifle. Oh lord help me. I walked past, and I walked past again. She was just across from the cuties. I grabbed a bag, and a cooked chicken, and a container of blueberries. I cried as I walked. I put the chicken back knowing I wouldn’t eat the whole thing before it went bad this late in the week. I grabbed some cooked shrimp with cocktail sauce you get an insane amount of shrimp for a low number of points on Weight Watchers. I was trying to keep my head about me. I sampled a small cube of Tillamook cheddar cheese and my phone rang. More bad news, the tire center has now broken the stud on my wheel. FUCK ME! They tell me about 10 more mins and my car will be ready to go. I just start crying again.

I don’t even want to check out at this point. I just want to leave my cart and go home. I grab some allergy meds, and a box of the Fiber One chocolate chip cookie brownies that they finally started carrying (they carried the brownies, but not the chocolate chip cookie kind before) and headed for the registers. Small talk with the cashier ended with him being extremely happy his day was better than mine. I was to the point where my small talk gene was just shot.

I went and got my car and wanted nothing more than junk food. I had not really had that much to eat during the day, I could have grabbed a burger or something. I drove home, passing a crap-ton of fast food places. Including on the last few blocks, just before my house, a Burger King and a McDonald’s. I kept telling myself You do not really want those things, you are working toward being healthy, this is stress induced. You do not need to eat a burger just because it is quick. You owe it to yourself to take the time to sit and eat your food.

I got home and sat down on my bed and cried. Took my medicine for the pain that was growing in my neck and back, and I went to the kitchen. I weighed out my shrimp, 6 ounces worth, I grabbed some fruit, and a skinny cow chocolate bar. I sat quietly, and just wallowed in all the bad shit that had happened. I wallowed in the jury duty notice I had gotten the day before. I cried over all the shitty stuff that happened that day, and then I tried to find the good things that happened.

1.) The day was over, I was about to crawl into my warm bed

2.) I had insurance on my cellphone, even though I had broken it, it would not cost me anything to get it fixed.

3.)The tire that had a screw in it was not flat when I found it, however if I had not found it, it could have/would have been flat at 3:30 am the next morning when I went to go to work and I’d have been late and had to change it in the snow.

4.)I stayed in control of what I ate despite a bad situation where I would have and could have easily just grabbed a pizza or burger before.

5.)I stuck to my plans to workout.

So I slept through the night, mostly. I woke up Friday, and greeted the new day for what it was a new day. I tried singing to my coffee syrup. I went into the day with a positive attitude, it was a rough day too, but it was one day. I continue to babystep my way along. Proud that I survived a shitty day.

Gaining… a foothold.

Posted on January 25, 2013 by krisgetshealthy

So here I sit, it is almost 5am. My neck and back are sore, my body aches, but we are coming to an understanding. Since Saturday I have been to the gym (well including Saturday) 4 times. I have had FOUR 45 minute water walking sessions in the vortex pool. This isn’t just regular water walking, this is against the current. One of them I have had company for, one I had the pool all to myself for. I find myself mostly just counting my steps to about 110 then realizing I am just counting and then trying to focus on something else, and then find I am counting again. It isn’t bad, it is just a thing. Yesterday I focused hard on the things that are super difficult for me since the vortex was mostly empty for the 45 minutes I had available. Walking backwards, with my pelvis/spine properly aligned, not hyper extending my knees, and with good posture. I would do a few laps of that, then do some sideways focusing on trying to get my feet to orient the “normal” way. My hips aren’t normal, and that contributes to some of my back issues. It is all connected, and I can clearly see that with my body. When the problems start below the percolate up, just as water drips through coffee grounds to make things change.

I already feel like I am regaining a bit of strength as I return to the water. Perhaps it is all in my head, perhaps my body knows that I am not ready to give up this fight. I have always done my best work in the water. After all I could swim before I could walk (#Waterbabies4life!) The water was always good for my fibro, and its the safest place for my ehlers-danlos. I am not going to rush myself onto land anytime soon. While I feel pressures to try and workout with my friends, and make my workouts and schedules match theirs, I know that this isn’t about anyone but me. I have to do what works for me, for my schedule, I live a crazy life, it is hard. The more I flex my schedule the harder it is on my body and I can’t do that. I can’t keep up. This is my reality.

I am grateful this week that I finally got to have dinner with a friend whom I had not sat down to talk with since last January. He and I went out to dinner at Matt’s Bar. (Home of the not diet friendly JucyLucy!) A Burger stuffed with cheese! I counted my points all day long, and I did just fine. The burger was awesome, the company made it even better. I laughed, I nearly cried, nothing shot out of noses, not even boogers THANK GOD! We are going to try and work on a more frequent than once a year catch-up session. (I can only hope for this, as hard as it is to see some of my friends, this guy is the hardest one to nail down it seems!)

So I feel like this week so far has been a success, I am getting the swing of things and moving forward with my progress back into the swing of exercise. I do have a 5k walk on the books for July. I signed up for the Minneapolis Color Run, I plan to walk it, as we discovered running is quite possibly the worst thing for me. (Maybe speed walking?) I wanted a goal on the books, other than the obesity 5k in April with Gary from Charities Challenge. So yep, that’s where things stand!

Happy Thursday!

Twofer Weekend

Posted on January 21, 2013 by krisgetshealthy

SO this weekend I emerged from hiding. I ventured back into the light of blog-land this week, and with that I have also ventured back into the world of working out, even if I am fighting injury.

I have left my YWCA behind, well kind-of. My contract with them runs until April, however their facility is sadly not meeting my needs. If you remember back to last year I left them and went to SNAP fitness. I was in search of something that worked better with my schedule, something that worked better for me. It did not end well, there was a variety of contributing factors were there, sub-par equipment and no pool ended up leaving me hurting, and in the end I was not working out. I ended that relationship, after a bit of hassle but not too much, and went back to the YW.

Now the swim team and crappy hours of availability keep me from the water, where I need to be to heal, where I need to be to regain my strength, and stability. It saddens me to leave behind the place where I bonded with so many wonderful people, where I found myself, and my strength. However, like many things in my life, on this journey… I have outgrown it.

Many of my friends have heard my plight, they have heard my venting of frustration, and seen my tears of pain. After breakfast with Liz a few weeks ago (2 weekends at most, I knew there was really only one answer for me.

I am now a dual membership holder until my YWCA membership contract expires in April. With the reduced joiner fee it ends up being cheaper to pay the next few months plus it is a monthly contract. There are so freakin’ many YMCA locations across the metro it’s amazing! So Saturday morning after my WW meeting I became a member at the YMCA. I went right from sign-up into the vortex pool! While the vortex doesn’t operate at all times it is available a lot more than the pool I currently have access to. In fact, the pools there in general are a lot more accessible, despite it being further away.

I weighted my options on this decision, cost vs. benefit analysis, if you may and waiting until April just did not seem like a logical choice. due to my health degrading at the rate it seems to I weighted money as a lower factor in the equation, and even if I hadn’t this move had to be made. With my PT not working, my strength and balance degrading, and my weight spiraling out of control this is my only option. FAILURE AND POSTPONEMENT ARE NOT OPTIONS!

So here I am back in the saddle… err.. poodle…. errrr…. Back to basics. Trying my hardest to live the life I aspire to.

Let’s go for two posts in 2 days

Posted on January 17, 2013 by krisgetshealthy

Yesterday’s post was actually a little difficult to press publish on. Admitting just how much weight I have gained publicly is not east. I mean, if you look at me you can tell I have gained weight. I am not comfortable in my own skin, the double chin is back. My clothes don’t fit right, and since I spend a portion of my day in the warehouse at work, sweatshirts and pocket t-shirts are part of my daily attire. (Yep Sabrina, the pocket tees are back! Oh NO! but only for work… mostly.) They are usually accompanied by a long sleeve old navy shirt underneath because it is freakin Minnesota and it is cold here!

I am trying very hard to find my inner voice, and the voice that speaks to my blog. I am vocal in my weight watchers meeting, in fact probably too vocal. I almost feel like I talk too much there, but I have been told time and again that what I say there is insightful and helpful and often spurs others on.

Weight Watchers just rebooted their system a little bit to include Spaces and Routines, which in great, for people who are new to trying to lose weight, but it seems like old hat for me. I am kind of set in my ways. However I am trying to utilize it to reboot myself. I was approached by one of their social media outreach team to do a YouTube video for their I’m human and I am doing it campaign. I didn’t, but only because I have not yet seen much success with weight watchers, between the lack of activity and the injections I have received for my back and the less than desirable eating habits.

I am planning on sticking with Weight Watchers atleast for a while, if I do nothing more than use it as a place for support on a weekly basis and a place to get weighed in. I have done away with weighing in at home. The jumping on the scale every day thing is just bad for me. I learned that when i started going overboard with the food weighing. I still share the gone off the deep end bit about my gramming out sandwich thins to get the number of calories exactly in each one when I was tracking that way. I had a problem. I keep an eye on that, and I think that is part of why at times I become so afraid to track because I worry that it will spiral out of control. When I feel like I am going to go off the deep end I photo track. It isn’t as accurate but at least I can SEE the food.

So yeah, I am human, and I am doing it, a little at a time. My goal for this week is after Saturdays Weight Watchers Meeting to go to the YWCA and take a tour of the facility, along with my swimsuit, and sign up (for a trial pass at the very least, but likely a full membership)

Injuries and Setbacks

Posted on January 16, 2013 by krisgetshealthy

Welcome to 2013.

Here I sit, a year in this chair at work, older and wider. I have become what I feared, my old self. While I have not made the return to the 400+ pound person that I once was, I have to face the harsh reality that the scale now reads 300 pounds. OUCH! I share this with you, my pain. My setback. Not however my failure. Failure would be giving up, and giving up is giving in. I still wish to see change in my life. I wish to feel the way I did when I was healthier. However I am struggling.

I feel as though my body is failing now. Doctors one by one look at me and are puzzled by the next step to take. Physical therapy fails to do what it is intended to do, medications don’t have their usual, or intended effects on me, and here I sit. In pain. The darkness that lives inside of me creeps into the rest of my life, and I pull away. I pull back from friends, and from family. I cut off relationships with those who only wish to help me. I cut ties with those who only ever want me to succeed. The darkness has become my home. I go to work in the dark, I get up at 3am head to work in the dark, I work all day at least I have a window, I head home make dinner and sleep.

There is no gym activity for me these days, I wish I had the energy to go, I would say I wish I had the time, but I could make the time. The fact is when I have the time available to get the the pool at the YWCA, the swim team is there taking up the pool. I can only blame myself for the lack of activity, but the pain I feel is real.

So what happens when you feel like crap? Well I can tell you when I feel like crap I eat like crap. While I continue to eat “healthy” “well balanced” “good for you” foods, the quantity of them has increased. My dinner salad became a double portion, with 2 servings of lean meats on it. My coffee went from being a tall to a venti. Food is love, and appreciation as I baked and baked through the holidays making so many cookies that I even dropped cookies off of my neighbors doorsteps whom I had never met before, that just moved into our building.

I see people reaching out to me, to help me come to the light, invites to activities, but it really consumes all my energy to leave the house, and when it isn’t something my heart is into, I just, don’t want to do it.

I am looking forward to fitbloggin 2013, I have registered for a 5k, which I plan to walk in July, and I am hopeful to walk one in April as well. I am setting small goals for myself. I want to get back to my old self… However it is so hard when I am battling a body that feels like it is falling apart. My back issues are failing to improve. I now have both lower back, and upperback/cervical spine issues. My meds have been increased. I ended 2012 unable to look up/down left/right. I thought to myself how can I look into my future when I can’t very well look to see if a car is coming so I can pull out into traffic. The PF in my feet is still there, the bone spur in my heel hurts, but I have struggled against worse.

I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I need to get back in a place in my mind where I remember that I am strong. I am Powerful. I need to stop being so harsh on myself, but I need to be strict with myself. I need someone to help me be accountable for my action, and inaction. I need a team.

I am once again in the market for a new gym. I am thinking of a 5day pass to the YMCA here in the Twin Cities, I hear their pools have a bit more availability to meet my needs. I just… I won’t give up. I want my clothes to fit right. I want to be happy. I will not be a big fat failure.

Week1 at Weight Watchers

Posted on July 30, 2012 by krisgetshealthy

So for those that follow me on “The Twitters” You saw something fun on Saturday morning. Or rather, something that started out unusual. I was not apprehensive about going for my weigh-in. See I have kind-of taken this whole new adventure into the Weight Watchers 2012 Points Plus program as a, low pressure experiment. Seeing as my calorie counting has become such a failure with the added stresses of my job This was logical. So Saturday morning I tweeted as I headed out to my meeting. Arrived, hopped up on my scale and collected my very first 5 pound loss sticker.

Now those of you that know me, or have known me for any period of time know I am a freaking sticker junkie. I am absolutely obsessed with all things cute, cuddly and adorable, and also with stickers. So the simple fact that WW uses stickers as part of the reinforcement for this program is just AWESOME!

Changes that have occurred in my household in the last week are things like, planning and packing my breakfast and lunch, instead of ordering Jimmy John’s (mmm vegetarian, add onions and hot peppers). I have also gone out searching for new recipes again, instead of relying on old standbys. I made breakfast for dinner twice, once was bacon egg and cheese biscuit cups, and once was hash-brown sausage egg cups. Both are made in Cupcake tins! Yumm Cupcakes for dinner.

I have now attended three meetings, trying to find a group/leader that I mesh with. I really liked the leader that I met on Saturday, sadly she was a substitute, and her meetings are on Thursday mornings at like 10Am which wont work. The Sunday morning leader and group that I met yesterday seemed really fun, plus it would put me in the perfect spot to go do my grocery shopping at Target right after. Nothing like getting inspired, and heading right to the store so I don’t fill the cart with junk right?

My fridge is pretty full of good things, I have been eating the same thing for breakfast everyday. Cottage Cheese with fruit (a combo of pineapple, kiwi, plums, peaches, cherries) and some cucumber slices. I like adding the cucumber to it because it lightens the flavors and makes it taste even fresher. You will also find in my fridge tons of mushrooms and zucchini, some salad mixes, grape tomatoes (which aldi had for $.79 a pint!) Seaweed salad. Then theres the typical base items to build meals from, eggs, chicken sausages, chicken breasts, lean ground beef, steaks. I want to stop at Coastal Seafood this week and get some shrimp or fish.

Of the 5 new meals I cooked last week there was only one miss-fire, which isn’t too bad when you think about it… it called for 4 cups of cheese… I cut it in half… and it was still far too much. Anything that isn’t a miss goes in my cute little book of dinners along with the point value per serving that should make meal planning a snap!

Confession time… I am still not in love with the gym. Big surprise right? I am trying to keep my modalities mixed, and I am shooting for five days of activity. I get so utterly bored when I am in the gym, I get in there and I just don’t want to be there. I know I need to think outside of the box about activity, perhaps a class or something, and maybe shift one of my activity days to the weekend, and maybe try Zumba or something different but I don’t know. Last week I did 2 days of walking 2 days of elliptical and 1 day on the bike. I didn’t do any of those things on consecutive days. I want to keep my body guessing a bit. I may also spring for a personal training session or two in the next month to familiarize myself with the way the weights in the gym work, because that should become a part of my routine as well.

—–Closing thoughts—–

This week did have a rough spot in it. My friend Mark passed away early Wednesday morning. I have been grieving, in my own way, trying to feel my feelings, but not let them interfere with my life. I appreciate my friends that have all reached out to me during this time, and I also appreciate the understanding when I haven’t returned calls because I just needed some space. This is my first Monday morning without Mark, I mean he hasn’t been in the office in a long time on a Monday, but there was usually a phone call or some laughter. This is the second coworker I have lost since I started here in 2005, but I was really close to Mark.

Mark paid me some of the highest compliments of my life in his last few weeks of life. Speaking to his daughter and I together telling her how strong I was, and how much of a fighter I am, and how she needs to be sure to get to know me and stay involved in my life because that is important to him. I am glad that I could provide him some awesome company during his life as well as some laughter and comfort at the end of his life.

I thought this was a weight loss blog.

Posted on March 10, 2012 by krisgetshealthy

So if you look back through my blog lately there is just a bunch of bullshit. Really honest to god bullshit. Have you noticed? I certainly have and I don’t like it!

I know that this blog is a place for ME to write about all the struggles and changes that have occurred during the changes of my weight loss but oh my goodness, there has been no weight loss, there has been no weight loss in about a year… I am coming clean. I feel like a fraud. I am living healthy, and the only measure I ever had was the progress of the scale. I never had inches measured, I never had anything other than the scale, and the scale is no longer my friend.

Yes I can use other measures of success like how clothes fit, but those changes have slowed to a stop as well. My fear is that my body has reached that dreaded “stasis point” I have done all kinds of things at this weight to try and get it to shed some more pounds. I have tried eating more, eating less, working out more, working out less, and there I sit fluxing in the same window of weight.
I am endlessly frustrated, to the point of tears. I want to give up so much of the time. I just want to curl up and eat until I can’t move. I want to eat until I am uncomfortable. I want to be reminded of how horrible that time in my life was. That is not the answer. I am not going to do that. However I don’t know what the answer is.
I am not loving my new gym, while the owner is OMG smokin hot, it just isn’t working for me going after work. After I put in 10+ hours in the stress filled, emotional environment that I am in, I find that I just need to decompress, and when I go to the gym I am not getting a release, I am getting more stress. Stress that my hard work is all for nothing. I know losing weight is easy, okay well not easy, but calories in vs calories out, so perhaps scientific is a better way to phrase it. Why can’t I seem to re-crack my own code?
Making the choice to eat healthy is easy for me, I went to the Seward Co-Op lat night and made a HUGE salad, and didn’t bat an eye picking red peppers and cucumbers and onions and skipping all the old pitfalls like croutons and ranch dressing. I don’t miss those things. When I got home I measured out my 2 Tablespoons of dressing for 80 calories, shook my salad and ate it with a piece of chicken. It was great! However temptation lurks around every corner.
My freezer is currently loaded with things like Haagen Dazs Caramel Biscuit Ice Cream and southern style biscuits, and frozen cheese tortellini. The Baking rack in my place, along with pots and pans is home to Oreo cookies (Happy 100th birthday Oreo, thanks for making me hear about you nonstop for an entire day!), and pretzels, and Cheetos, and all kinds of other things. It is like temptation island. One cookie wont kill me, but one before work, then one after work adds up.
I am meeting with a friend today in hopes of getting inspired again, I know I am not going to throw in the towel, but it just seems like such a good idea some days. In light of how sick I have been in the last week or so it just seems like an easy answer. No worrying about how many calories are in the cough drops I am downing to try and get my voice to last through jut one more phone call at work. I know that this is going to be a lifelong struggle, but I guess I had hopes that I wouldn’t have this much of a problem until I was a little closer to my goal.
I need to succeed, this journey wasn’t about weight loss in the beginning it was about living a healthier life, well, I think it is time to change my mindset and really focus on that.
Lean cuisines, salads, and fruit-cups may just have to be a way of life for me again for a while. Also eating the same food everyday for each meal as much as I detest that may also become a staple. It will not be fun but it may have to happen.
I am unsure what it is going to take to get me back out of the slow lane and on the fast track, but I sure as shit cant sit here letting my friends pass me by and life start to do the same. So please, reach out to me, sent me a tweet a text a Facebook message, leave me a comment, bug the crap out of me. As I adjust to the time-change I will also be adjusting to trying to workout before work. May as well make that adjustment at the same time right?
Nothing changes if nothing changes… and something has to change.
This is a weight loss blog… not a weight watcher blog. I am tired of watching my weight do what it wants to, time to grab the power seat again!

One Breath, For My Roots

Posted on January 24, 2012 by krisgetshealthy

The second person to speak at #OBOS was Philly D, who I had never met before, mostly because my schedule has never allowed me Friday nights to go hang out with all the cool kids at hot yoga. Happily that is changing and I will soon head off to my first Hot Yoga class in the near future! Anyway, Phil had me in tears for most of his discussion. He shared some very personal stories about his sister and some volunteer work that he does at a Children’s hospital with cancer patients. A boy who communicates only by RAWR-ing because he thinks he is actually a dinosaur… because they are strong… I can relate. #rawr.

Do you know what the difference between being and doing is? So many of us say I want to be BE healthy. The dictionary defines being as something that exists. That is something that I did for SO MANY YEARS in my life… I existed. If you look back on this blog you see me talk about feeling like I was watching life pass me by because it was. However doing is defined as action, performance, and execution. I don’t know about you all but I sure want to be doing not being.

Remember the human doing project at Mall of America last year… they had him DOING… so think about that… to be healthy you have to DO. There is a local health insurance company here that has a DO campaign and they truly have hit the nail on the head. To be healthy you have to DO.

I am sure you are sitting there going so what Kris… we all know we have to workout, so Phil said go do Yoga right? He owns a studio this is what he wants you to do right? No. It is hard to explain exactly what he was talking about in general or specific terms if you have never had that moment that wakes you up from that dark place, so forgive the bulleted nature of this. I am going to try to not weep as I think about how much impact his words had on my heart.

Phil’s wish for each of us is that we can learn to be more awake in our lives, that we can me more aware of what is in front and around us. In order to Rise Up and meet life, you must first wake up to your surroundings. You must tune into yourself, make deliberate choices about your breathing, and movements, feel your body, feel your breath.

As you move through this life and become more aware of things you will know when something feels wrong, and when something feels wrong you will learn that you need to step up and stand up for others. As you rise up you will see things that are unfair and unjust and you cannot ignore them. They will not change unless someone speaks up.

As you rise up you must reach out and down to others, this is part of why Jen (@PriorFatGirl) shares her story, and a very big part of why I am so open and honest on my blog about my struggles. When you reach out to others you let them know that there is hope, help and strength.

Be what you love in life, and use what you love to make a difference because it isn’t actually the length of your life that makes the biggest impact it is the width. The more people you reach, and they in turn reach creates waves and ripples that will effect more people than you ever intended.

He also spoke about how important it is to be aware of your word choices, which was also something Mary spoke about. The words you choose to define yourself, your life your goals and the things in your mind can really set yourself up for success or for failure. Do you remember my Can’ts Won’ts and Don’ts post? Go back and read it… I felt like they both took a page right from my blog and were telling me to go back and read my words… Kris make sure you are picking your words correctly.

After hearing both Mary and Phil speak about how can’t and and won’t and don’t are so often confused I really felt like I had a grasp on something strong. I know when I first had that moment of clarity about those three words back in August it really was something amazing. It really becomes a more about DOING what you have to do and less about what you want. I can’t cook healthy meals for my family is actually I don’t because my family won’t eat them. Well guess what you CAN because you make those decisions. I can’t workout because I don’t have time is really I don’t workout because I would rather watch tv, and I won’t give up that addiction to finding out what happens on that next episode of Lost (okay, I am out of touch but so what!) You get it right?

Who has control of your life? Do you have control? Who did you give the control to? Are you ready to take it back? Only you can!

One Breath, Because It’s Hard!

Posted on January 23, 2012 by krisgetshealthy

Let’s be honest, my head is still swimming, or moreover my heart is still in overwhelm from Saturday. The #OBOS events always hit me right in the chest. I think it is because I let myself be vulnerable, because it is a necessary part of getting to the root of why I became 400+ pounds. I think it is also crucial to helping others along the way. So that being said, once again the topics covered hit right a bit too close to home, which of course were just what I needed.

Jen started out the morning having us close our eyes and raise our hands if we had felt recently that our journey was overwhelming or hard etc. With my eyes closed, (but wanting to peek to know for sure) she assure us that we all had our hands raised. I always secretly don’t want to raise my hand just to be “That Asshole”. The point of the exercise isn’t about raising your hand anyway, it is about knowing that we are all there together, and I get that. We all struggle, whether it is with motivation, or finding time to *whatever*.

Mary took over the conference just after that, and the topic she first brought up was, “Is being healthy hard?” Well, yeah! Duh! If it was easy there wouldn’t be the multi billion dollar pharmaceutical industry that exists, and the search for the magic-cure-all pill wouldn’t be happening.

This made me think about how we define healthy though. Is healthy, the right weight, is it being fit, is it being off medications, is it fitting nicely in a box, or a certain definition? It isn’t the same for everyone. So it becomes very important for you to define your health your own way, and plan your goals and strategies the right way.

Mary started speaking about how sometimes our ideas and situations change, and that sometime the changes we make that are intended to be lasting changes aren’t always lasting changes. For example, I joined the YWCA, it was awesome when I started out. Since my new job started however it is not as convenient for me to work out there. The hours are less convenient and I started using that as an excuse. So my change to working out several days a week was no longer a part of my life. This change didn’t last. Do I view this as a failure? No Way! This is a setback.

See, life is fluid, this is why all those checklists in magazines and 10-step’s to the perfect life type things don’t work out for any kind of long-term success. You have to be prepared to be flexible and change your plans as life throws you a curveball.

Mary touched on a lot of things that I have come to on my own, but I have this problem… see I, like many of you I imagine, have these amazing moments of clarity and then they just pass, and I forget, or think perhaps they aren’t as great as I think they are.

Some examples of this are, Keeping an eye on “Your Bottom” line. This is mostly about maintaining weight, but also pertains to when you are stuck in a plateau. If you get comfortable in a place you become complacent. Think oh it’s okay I am staying within these 2-lbs so it isn’t a big deal. My lifestyle is changing and I am not.

I JUST went through this, I started my new job, and I wasn’t going to the gym because I was just plain exhausted, but I was eating the same. The scale creeps around, and before you know it things are headed in a bad direction FAST. You always need to be pushing the envelope, not necessarily to lose weight, but keep your eyes on the prize at all times.

Remember setbacks are going to happen, this is a part of life! They happen to everyone! Everyone falls, get back up, keep moving forward. You need to be prepared for this. Remember everything takes practice which means that everything that you are doing is practice! So be prepared with a backup plan, know what tools you like, and what tools in your arsenal work best for you and use them. Also be on the lookout for new things to try.

Did you read that…

Everyone falls, get back up. Keep moving forward. Falling is not failure. Failure is giving up, not getting up.

These words are a gift to you. Let them sink in. You need to remember them.

Another important thing to remember is that it is important when trying to do anything, whether it is lose weight or run a marathon, that you have to be doing it for the right reasons. The right reason for me isn’t the right reason for you, and if you aren’t doing it for the right reasons you aren’t going to find lasting success. That class reunion that you want to look awesome for, what happens when you go, and no one cares that you lost all that weight from when you were 15? What happens after you break up with that girlfriend that had been making you go to the gym or train for that 5k? Was the reason that you wanted whatever it was yours or theirs? You can’t do it for someone else, you can only do it for yourself. Looking back on my life, I WISH someone could have stopped me before I got to the point in my life where I knew I was going to die.

There were so many dark days in my life where I was so miserable, depressed, in so much pain, and I thought I was at rock bottom, and I just kept going down. There are also so many people in my life who I see, and I want to push to rock bottom so that I can help build them back up, and make them want to save their own lives. Sadly all I can do is offer a hand up when the time is right and hope that I can inspire them by doing what I need to and want to for my own reasons. I got a taste of what I like to call the good life and I know what I want now.

Nike says “there is no finish line.” Which I totally agree with. When it comes to things like living a healthy active life there will ALWAYS be something to do, try or achieve, however this brings up a great point… when there is no finish something is not a race which means it is perfectly acceptable to go at your own pace! While at times I feel as thought I am sprinting towards my own goals, there are other times where I feel as thought I am sitting still on the track and lately I feel as thought I have turned around and am headed in the wrong direction altogether I need to be reminded that this isn’t a race. The path I am on may have a loop or two but if I keep moving forward I will make progress. Baby steps are still steps, I just need to keep making them.

One super alarming statistic that I heard during the event was that if you do not act on a new idea or concept within 48 hours there is a 50% chance that you will NEVER act on it. This wasn’t surprising, as much as alarming… and I suppose it is very true. This is why it was SO IMPORTANT that I act on switching my gym before I just decide to keep sitting around of going and using the hours as an excuse to not go! When I first joined the gym in 2009 it was also an ACT NOW moment. I drove past, and thought… I should probably check that out sometime… pulled a U-turn and headed back. Enough waiting… if life has tought me nothing more it is that time is precious and it shouldn’t be wasted. If you want something you MUST go after it… and don’t wait!

There was a bit of talk about setting goals, and knowing what goals actually are. I personally really like the idea of setting up “S.M.A.R.T.” Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely) and I think that is what Mary was trying to get at in her discussion about pushing for deeper goals that allow you to form strategies with them. For example, I want to be healthy is an extremely vague goal. However I want to get off of my blood pressure medicine by losing 15 pounds is a much more specific measurable goal. With those things you can then formulate a plan of attack with diet and exercise. Make lists of a few things to try, keep trying, and you will make progress on these goals and before you know it your goals become a reality!

Sometimes you have to learn to accept that your lifestyle isn’t going to match what your goals are, and something has to change. Each situation you are in presents an opportunity for you to learn something. You always have the opportunity to take something away from a situation, and it is your job to figure out what you are going to take away from it. Sometimes it is very easy to spot what you are taking away from an interaction or situation. Every interaction with a person or people can teardown or create a new level to your relationship, so be sure that you are doing all you can be, be present in that moment to foster what you want from that relationship, and this includes the relationship you have with yourself. Don’t treat yourself poorly!

You need to acknowledge your feeling, learn to see them, feel them and lost of all how important it is to accept them. It is perfectly okay and acceptable to feel sadness, or frustration, even regret is an acceptable emotion, everything you feel is okay as long as you let yourself feel it! You know what is not okay? Letting yourself eat these feelings,

Welcome to 2012

Posted on January 1, 2012 by krisgetshealthy

Well hello there little blog, and my dear friends. I sit here looking at the blinking cursor after a very long night at work. The days draw longer as I near a new chapter in my life. Or what I hope is a new chapter in my life. As I enter 2012 I am setting forth a few mini goals.

My goals are not so much resolutions as “Declarations of Dedication” More of the same things that I have been doing, only bigger and better. Towards the end of 2011 I got lazy, I got off track. I stopped tracking again, I slacked off at the gym. The excuses started to pile up. I felt like I had no one to be accountable to, which is a load of horse crap if I ever did know one.

The only real thing that I want to make sure that I change this year is that I want to make this year injury free. I spend so much of my life in pain already dealing with my various funkadelic illnesses that I truly don’t need to keep adding problems to it! I need to take the time to stretch before and after my workouts. I need to take the proper vitamins and supplements for my body.

I also need to be more aware of my surroundings. As I went into work this morning to finish up some paperwork that I postponed during my shift last night to avoid being on the roads at that ever popular bar closing time I found this…

Now if you can’t tell that staircase is loaded with a nice layer of ice. The parking lot was tons worse where the cars and trucks had been in and out of the lot during the night as the snow fell. I didn’t think twice as I tried to go up the center of the stairs without the use of the railing. Duh Kris! Use the railing! I searched for some salt, unsuccessfully! I also almost went ass over teakettle on my own stoop going out to my car this morning as well. I need to slow down and look around.

So as I step into 2012 I am going to take things one step at a time. Look around me and make sure I am setting myself up for success. I would like to be in the low 200′s by this time next year. My finish line ideally is 199. I am not under any delusions that it is going to be easy, because god knows that it has certainly not been easy up to this point.

I want to leave you with this thought though as so many people are taking today, or tomorrow to finally start their diets. You can do anything you put your mind to. You may fail 99 times, but you have to get up 100 to succeed. Please don’t ever give up on what you want out of this life. You only get one shot at living and you have the power to create yourself. It starts with the first step. Take those steps now!

Happy New Year Everyone! Welcome to 2012

First Steps of 2012

Kris's Journal to Health

A Blog about a girl and her adventure to live a healthy life!

Tag Archives: Back On Track Week