Hoop De Do!!!

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So yesterday I was feeling mighty crummy.  Between my fibro, and my ehlers-danlos I don’t want to move.  Work stress isn’t making my life any easier, I can only imagine that some of the pain in my shoulders and back is due to the “weight” upon my shoulders which included coming into work to fix a crisis over the weekend.  I received much thanks from my customer for my efforts, however not even a thanks from my boss.  :/ Makes me feel like crap, makes me wish I didn’t care so much, but that is who I am.  The shipment I worked on after my bedtime on Saturday night was something near and dear to my heart, and I would not change what I did.  I just wish I could feel better.

My weight continues to fluctuate right around 300 pounds.  I am not happy with it.  The option of surgery lingers in my mind, lingers as a last resort, teases me with its simplicity, I would finally know for sure hunger.  I do what I need to do, and the progress is slow, I would SEE progress with surgery.  However I truck along on the bumpy path where I fight to find satisfaction.  I know I can do anything, you can do anything.  There are answers out there for all of us.

Yesterday was set to be one of my gym days, with my chronic pain I fight to keep a set schedule, I made myself go to the gym with the intention to just soak for a short while.  I wanted/needed the heat to try to get the muscles in my body to relax.  I put my headphones on and sunk into the hottub for just a little while.  The heat is dangerous for my E-D.  It makes my joints more lax and prone to injury.  So I took my whole time slow.  While getting dressed I saw a woman with the shiniest pretty hula-hoop! If you know me, you know I love glitter and sparkles.  I joke that I am a five-year old kid, but in every joke there is a grain of truth. I am a grown up kid.  Do you remember my post about why we have to workout instead of play?

I commented on how much I liked the look of the hoop to my fellow locker room woman, and she told me she makes them.  It was like fate had taken hold and pushed me into the gym yesterday because even though I didn’t work out, I met someone amazing!

I would like to introduce you all to someone amazing!  Her name is Theresa she blogs over at <a href=”http://hoopwoman.wordpress.com/”&gt; Hoop Woman She is a motivational speaker!  She is a Hooper!  I have been intrigued by hooping for a long time but I think I am just too big to hoop.  In my mind I have the Your Momma jokes in my mind about a hulahoop being a belt.  I think about my size 32/34 pants and how big I was and how far I have come and think… someday I want to try it.

We chatted a bit about all kinds of things and Oh My Goodness, Theresa is Amazing and we seem to have very similar outlooks on so many things!  Turns out she is a Ted Talks speaker!  She showed me some of her hoop skills, and I was amazed.  If you have some time please check out her talk! http://youtu.be/OgZVRV7jqWc

I left the gym feeling like I had been put there by the universe for a reason.  A reminder that I just need to keep going, that just like I tell everyone else not to give up, I must not give up.  I keep pressing forward to be amazing, to do amazing things.  I am on the right path, it just takes time for things to get into the right places.

I am a puzzle cube, you have to keep turning the puzzle around, sliding pieces back and forth, rotating the puzzle, trying things, and eventually the answer becomes clear, but you cant just give up or nothing will ever become of it.

I get it universe.  Thanks for the reminder… and thanks for the new friend!

 

Working Out.

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As we are all aware working out is a key piece of any healthy lifestyle, and for those that have followed my writing here for a while, or that know me, you know that this is something I have struggled with. In part it has been the desire and drive to work out that I have issues with and it is also in part the actual activity. The chronic pain, the injuries, the setbacks, but I keep coming back.
Last night I was curled up in bed, rubbing ketoprofin into my knees in hopes of finding some small bit of relief and to find a cause. My fingers reached behind my knee and rubbed the worked went to stars and started to go black I screamed in pain. Yep, I’m there again. Living on the edge. I was trying to pinpoint the problem. Robb pointed out I took a fall, and my knee is STILL covered in bruises from it. I don’t want to blame the fall, but perhaps that is it. Perhaps I did something, or maybe it’s simply that I just don’t heal as fast, and my tissue is more susceptible to damage. I thought back over the last year or so and I have taken FOUR significant falls. Falls that have resulted in significant bruises to my shins and knees. Still I press on.
I tell one of the most significant ladies in my life that self care if so important, that you have to remember to give your body what it needs, or it will take what it wants when you aren’t planning on it. So I keep pushing along, trying to listen to my body. So how does this relate to working out? Well, Way back when I started this lifestyle shift, getting healthy, eating better, making the right choices more than the wrong ones, I started at the YWCA, it was a good place for me, close to home, and it worked, my body responded. I switched when I changed jobs, and that change didn’t agree with my body. The change in machines and the lack of the pool killed my body. What did I do, well I reverted to old behaviors, that hadn’t been working that led to the change. Now I am in a better place.
I cannot sing the praises of the YMCA I am at now enough. While I don’t love that it takes so long for me to get there, especially with gas prices the way they are, I am making that investment in myself. While I don’t love that there are kids in the vortex when I am trying to get my workout on during the week… it is made all the better by Sunday Mornings when it is ADULTS ONLY, if I had a different job where I worked normal hours I would totally be taking advantage of the adults only evening hours to get my workout on as well. What a simple but smart idea that I wish the YWCA would have had. I can’t even begin to explain the endless frustration I experienced “fighting” with the aquatics staff to get the bullying that was going on to stop. Teenage boys would actually try and bully me when I would workout in the pool. I was intentionally kicked and splashed in the deep end of the pool. I was jumped in on top of, it was a very negative experience at times.
So right now I am trying my best to listen to my body when it comes to working out. I want so very desperately to be like everyone else and just be able to pick up and go for a run, or answer the pleas of friends to be their gym company, but sadly it isn’t in the stars for this girl right now. It likely wont be in the stars for me anytime. Running seems to disagree with my body. It doesn’t make me a failure, it just means I have to find a different activity.
I will keep pushing forward with what I can do.
Babysteps are still steps. I just have to keep moving, even when it hurts.

Excitement

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So what makes my little bradycardic heart go pitter patter? When I find something new and

Lemon Plum, ripening

Lemon Plum, ripening

fun at the grocery store! Anything from a new product on the shelves or a new recipe I get excited! However it seems rare-er and rare-er these days that I find new fruits and veggies these days that I have never seen or heard of before.

This week I nearly lept over a few people to learn what this pictured fruit was.  More than the “Next great potato chip flavor” from Lays, or the latest new burger combo from Burger King I am googling to learn about this fruit!  I cannot wait to feel the flesh burst under my teeth and the juices flow into my mouth.  Perhaps it is more that I miss summer, and the juicy fruits and wealth of produce that it brings.  The wait to try this fruit is killing me!

I have had so much underwhelming produce lately it nearly breaks my heart.  The other night I ate some starchy bananas, that left my tongue sore. My grapes have been small and sour, my apples are mediocre and the ones I like, expensive.  I spend more money buying the better apples so that I will enjoy them, the Opal apples the Lady Alice apples even honey crisp apples, but they just aren’t up to snuff.  Strawberries and blueberries are okay, but not as good as can be, the quality is just so hit and miss with them.

I am ready for summer, farmers markets, the warm sunshine on my skin.  I am ready for the smell of fresh tomatoes, and … dirt. I am hopeful perhaps some of my friends with larger kitchen space will share their spaces this summer and let me come cook for them.  Let me amaze them with me culinary capabilities to wow everyone.  *shruggs*

Have you tried anything new lately? Is there something in season that I shouldn’t miss?  Do you have a favorite produce gem this time of year that I should be trying?  Frozen and canned seems to be the way to go in the winter… but I am Freezer Burnt here in Minnesota.

Struggle

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When there is no struggle there can be no progress. 

*Sigh*

Since last Friday my body has been in a mode I like to call, the hunger train.  I want to eat everything in sight!  I am fighting with all my might to not inhale everything I see.  When I went to brunch with my friends, as I posted here on the blog, I custom ordered to find something that would hit on exactly what I thought I needed and wanted, some fat, some greens, and here I sit almost a week later and the metaphorical train barrels on.

I believe that it is hormone related, I am due for that wonderful flux in the next few days, however the fact that this is now on a week of struggle I am just so very tired of this.  The week prior to this I didn’t eat all my Weight Watchers points, in fact most days I had to force myself to get close to my goals.  This week I am eating into my “weeklies”  I find myself not wanting to track my extra points to that I have enough extras left in-case I get hungry… which is silly because all I would be doing is telling myself lies. Track honestly, or you aren’t doing yourself any favors.  Eat the right foods if you are hungry.

So I am trying to cut out the unnatural carbohydrates from my diet over the next few days.  I am thinking perhaps what I am experiencing is almost a sugar detox.  Last week I ate a LOT of carbs.  Not really good carbs either, and in my world I don’t view carbohydrates as the enemy, however I do have two different divisions of them in my mind.  Natural, and unnatural where the natural ones come from veggies, fruits, dairy etc, natural sugars and starches, and the unnatural ones are the ones that come from pasta and things like that.  I ate vegetarian Pad Thai (homemade) 5 times last week.  All were within my daily points totals, reasonable serving sizes however that much pasta, even though it was rice noodles, sweetened with honey, and veggies.  The amount of carbohydrates consumed may be exactly what has triggered me into this mega food rage.

This week I have been eating chicken salad for lunch, 4 ounces of chicken, with celery puree, and some good fat mixed in to keep it  together.  Breakfast has stayed the same, my breakfast sandwich (Special K Veggie Flatbread or Jimmy Dean Delight spinach sandwich) and yogurt and I think I need more protein.  I am guessing that I am in need of more protein.  Last night I had breakfast for dinner, egg beaters, ham and mushrooms (natural carb).  Today for breakfast I am swapping out my flat-bread for egg beaters with ham and mushrooms and laughing cow, and a Greek yogurt.  Coffee with half & half, and maybe some fruit.

I am dropping the triscuits from my lunch in favor of string cheese, and an extra few snow peas and I am currently unsure as to what dinner will hold as it is my takeout night as I will be hitting the pool right after work.  Maybe an unwich from Jimmy John’s.    I don’t like that I am struggling so much, I don’t like that I am waking up during the night wanting to empty the fridge.  I don’t like that no matter how much water I drink, or how many good choices I am making the hunger keeps coming back.

I am frustrated but I am putting my faith in the program, one choice at a time is all I can make.  I will stumble, I will fall, I will get up, brush myself off, and continue along.

Taking Charge

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Yesterday I attended a brunch with some lovely ladies. I adore my friends, they will give support when asked, or not asked. They will give to you what ever it is that you need, guidance without judgement. If you want to order healthy and need a push for one thing over another they will gladly give you a suggestion, if you want to split something, you can usually find a buddy to split a dish. They will also not judge you for ordering something from the naughty list.
Yesterday as I sat at the cafe with 9 amazing ladies around me I looked over the menu and while so many things sounded good, like blueberry pancakes, or chocolate chip cookies and milk, nothing was really hitting on all the cylinders for me. Cheese fries and a burger were an option, but really even that wasn’t sounding good because if I had that I would want cookie too and that just ends with me feeling like a human dumpster. There were all sorts of things like eggs Benedict, and omelets with avocado, everything sounded good, but wasn’t quite what I wanted.
One of the things that I love about Minnesota, that I never had the opportunity to experience elsewhere, is that we have so many nice local eateries here. In these smaller establishments I don’t feel bad about asking to create my own dishes off the menu. There was a Mixed greens side salad with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing that caught my eye, but knowing full well that a side salad was not going to fill me up, and that it lacked any kind of protein I asked kindly if there was any way for me to get things switched up a bit. I cannot envision a chain restaurant doing this, mostly because those places are packet city. So the wonderful girl that was taking care of our table said it was no problem. I had two poached eggs added to my double mixed green side salads.
I was super pleased when my food arrived and I had an amazingly huge plate of greens to munch on, with two lovely poached eggs to use as topping for my salad. I had a few drops of the dressing dripped onto the salad, but it really didn’t need it, salt pepper and egg makes an amazing combo on mixed greens. I am finding more and more that if I really listen to my body it will tell me what I want to eat, and I NEED to listen to it, or I will just fill it with a bunch of junk that I don’t really enjoy anyway.
Story here is, eat local! Ask for what you want and think outside of the box! You might just amaze yourself, and your friends. And be the envy of everyone at the table when you have something special from the kitchen. ;)

Weighing In

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So I weighed in this morning, down only a fraction of a pound. A loss is a loss I tell myself but I am still disappointed. Time to take a look back at my week and evaluate my eating, and exercise. Did I track faithfully, measure accurately, did I put forth my best efforts?
I did measure everything, I did track everything, I did skip the gym one day due to my slip and fall, my vortex workout changed into a soak… but i doubt that is the cause. I am looking inside to see WHAT is going on. I awoke super hungry this morning… This almost never happens… and for once I didn’t allow myself to eat before I weighed in. I told myself I wasn’t going to start doing that. That Weight Watchers like any lifestyle change is exactly that a lifestyle and things like being hungry and eating before a meeting were going to happen.
I am wondering if my hormones are starting to play games with me. Only a few days will truly give me insight into that. I have been extra crabby at work of late, in part I think it is due to being told certain things are not my responsibility in one breath and in the next I find myself having to take on the responsibility of those tasks along with mine once again.
There is no doubt in my mind that there is a correlation between stress and weight gain, if it isn’t food being shoved in my mouth from the stress it is the life being sucked from my body. When I leave work some days I just can’t imagine how anyone keeps their sanity at any job, then there are days where it isn’t so bad.
I have been documenting all that I do for my job, both my tasks and the tasks I have no choice but to take on because when left undone the responsibility shifts to me, and makes my job impossible to do. I cannot believe just how much I do at my job. It infuriates me when I think that my boss and coworkers have made comments about me being lazy, or always look for ways not to do things.
I have days when I leave work full of energy too, so much energy that by bedtime I can’t shut off, I go to bed tossing and turning and unable to just pass out. It SUCKS! I wish there were a happy medium between. I suppose a new job is truly the answer. Someday maybe, One where I get a lunch break on a 10hour shift, and I am not invisibly bound to my desk without pee breaks when we are busy. One where I am not an outcast but a member of a team that works together for something better… *shruggs* dream big right?

This morning I am going to brunch with my girls, I am looking forward to it… I ate some fruit and coffee this morning since I have been ravenous, hopefully I won’t devour everything in sight! Even if I do, I plan to track it all, and be accountable, next week I want to see the scale move more than a fraction.

As FitBloggin nears I am getting excited to see everyone I am reading about, and I am getting excited as my groove is restored… Feeling more like me everyday as my exercise routine restores itself…. now if I can just keep from falling anymore maybe just maybe I’ll be right by Spring! :)

And so our Journey Continues…

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So I have been continuing along in my Weight Watchers journey, eating my points, meeting my nutritional needs, following my routines. I have been working the Spaces portion of the plan, I have healthy snack options available to me both at work and in the car. I need a new purse so keep one available on me at all times as the bag I am currently carrying now has a huge tear in the liner. Spring is coming and I have bags fit for that time of year that are more suited to carrying a snack.
I am looking forward to springtime. I took yet ANOTHER slip and fall this week on a patch of ice just outside my home. There are a few spots where there is nothing but smooth as glass ice to step on, and sadly I went right down. It knocked me out of commission from the gym yesterday which I was really sad about, I did go to the gym, I did try to get into the current pool, but the bruising on my knees was not going to handle it. So I took a quick soak and away I went. Defeated but knowing I had tried my best.
I give myself credit for still trying. There was a part of me that just wanted to go home and curl up in front of the television yesterday after work, especially in light of the fact that I got to leave work early! I was granted a tiny reprieve from the afternoon and let go 45 minutes early. I am thankful for the break as today with the snow falling it makes it super stressful. I get riddled with anxiety for the drivers, pounded with calls from our customers who are less than understanding about their shipments being late, and trying to cope with many other things. I sip my cinnamon tea after having my jolt of java this morning and try to keep a level head. My lunch of pad thai went in the trash as a soggy weeklong lunch as of wednesday. Thursday and todays lunches consisted of Chicken Salad. 2 kinds, yesterdays was a traditional variety 4 ounces of chicken, chopped in my blender with 2 ounces of celery chopped on my blender, mayo and spices. Todays was the same chicken and celery but with a wedge of laughing cow blue cheese and some cholula hot sauce… YUM! I don’t eat it on bread, instead with triscuit thin crisps, celery sticks, tomatoes, & snow peas. Chopping up the chicken with the blender and the celery as well, seems to make it appear that there is a TON of food. I guess celery makes a good bulker. I really enjoyed the chicken salad and i think the crunchy dipper style lunch helps on stressful days like this. I WANT to eat more, but I don’t need to.
It’s continuing to snow, I hope it stops soon, I want the roads to be navigable by morning when I get up and head off to my Weight Watchers meeting and subsequently to the gym where I will hopefully get my groove on. :)
Hapy Friday Everyone!!