So once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a girl who was often left off of the invite list for birthday parties, and social gatherings. In fact there were people who went out of their way to univite her to parties where “everyone” was welcome. Think things like school dances etc and you start to get the picture. (Secret truth here in the trust tree, that girl was me).
As I got older I tried hosting my own parties, trouble was people would say yes and then back out and not show up leaving me all alone late into the night waiting. It sucked. Now I jump at the chance to hang out with my friends. Wednesday night I had the opportunity to attend a girls night. It was nothing formal, a few friends gathering for dinner. A MAKE YOUR OWN PIZZA DINNER!
Okay I am so lame but I get excited when it comes to things like this. I love to cook. I love mixing ingredients and coming up with fun unique flavor combinations to see how they work. There was a plethora of options for toppings, everything from traditional Pizza Sauce from Trader Joes, to Franks Red Hot (which is the “sauce” I opted for) to pineapple and shredded chicken! Talk about awesome!
One of the things that I enjoy about the make your own pizza nights, whether you are having it as a party or in your own home is that everyone gets involved and everyone gets what they like! For example I am not a big fan of bell peppers, so I don’t have to have them on my pizza. I can however have a pineapple tomato and hot sauce pizza which was SO GOOD! I made each of my tiny pizzas a little different. Some chicken some veggies, all with hot sauce because well… I like my hot sauce. I opted for only having three of the four portions of the sandwich thins that Jen put out for me because I knew that it would be enough for me. I didn’t feel uncomfortable making or eating my food during the evening which is a huge step for me!
What I really enjoyed was how comfortable the whole night was. For so much of my life food has been almost a shameful experience for me. Even though I never truly ate to excess it was always something I never wanted to be involved in with people. It was not a pleasant experience. I don’t think or feel that I wanted to eat in secret, I just didn’t want to eat around others. I didn’t want to be judged for my choices. I didn’t want people thinking, oh this is what she is going to eat here and you know as soon as she leaves or we leave she is going to inhale some more. Even as far back as childhood I remember making excuses not to have to eat around people. So the fact that at no point during the evening did I get the urge to “run” from my food or hide the fact that I wanted to needed to eat it was a very big victory for me.
I see that I am growing and changing and I think it is a good sign for my future. I know that there has got to be some psychological problem based in the fact that I wouldn’t eat in front of people but I am getting through it. Everyone eats… unless you are sick… and that isn’t healthy. There is nothing wrong with properly fueling your body and that is one of the biggest reminders I got from having dinner with my friends last night.
So thank you Jen for being our host, and Ann, Jen, Kat and Mer for being a part of a great night for me! each outing I have with any and all of you ladies helps shape my future self just a bit more and reminds me of how far I have come, how strong I am and can be. It also reminds me that I can do anything I put my mind to.